sweet cameron

I’m writing this on my comfy bed, in my cool room, all by myself, surrounded with love from my family who are here in this house, now. I am very calm, so I expect to write something better than the last two. Yesterday was tiring as I went haywire to make sure I don’t miss the bus as I had once experienced. The departure for home had always been rushing and exhausting. The buses were always noisy and the five-hour rides were always bumpy and jerky. I know a lot of other people had gone through things a hundred times worse than this but this is enough to drive me crazy once in a while.

This Chinese New Year holidays won’t be quite a holiday after all. We have got a lot of homework and assignments to work on and new subject topics to introduce to ourselves. I don’t really mind actually because I would always be consistent for this course. I have all the homework to keep me going and to stay away as far as possible from the possibility that I will become slothful. At least I hope so. I am aiming to get all my homework done and to study a bit about the third chapter on Chemistry, before the holidays end. I thought the reason why I can’t study at the student house is that I was distracted to the ‘chaos’ created by the girls in my house. They are always with high spirits and excited. Truthfully, I found this quite disturbing at first because I used to study alone and prefer it that way but then I realized that I was the one who chose to feel being pushed aside by not participating in all the excitement. Now, I’m trying to adapt myself to the living style here, studying in groups and going for outings whenever I need to.

I’ll talk a bit about how I usually spend my holidays throughout my life. Roughly, every five years, my family and I would go for vacations which were quite eventful for us. We never went to places overseas for the holidays but we went to places in other states. They were not as extraordinary but as we seldom go anywhere, going for average holidays had always been great fun. We had been to the peak of Cameron Highlands, called Brinchang. We followed my mother’s school trip, so there were about 40 of us. We were very fortunate to have been there because now, people are not allowed to hike to the top of Brinchang Hill. We were supposed to climb on foot all the way , 15 kilometres to the top. But when most of us were constantly stopping and panting, a small truck was hired to take a few people up the hill. I didn’t see the rest of my family boarding the back of the truck because I was way ahead of them. When the truck took over me, then I saw my family shouting to me to get on too. The truck would not stop so I have to catch it up and climbed into it. The hill was quite steep so I was panting very hard to catch up with the moving truck. The truck did stop but at that time, I was halfway in the truck already so when it halted, I was hurled all the way in, at the back of the truck.

Up there, it was very cold that we had to wear at least four pieces of clothing to get warmer. We didn’t even bath because the water was freezing cold and plus, there was not even one drop of sweat on our bodies, so we didn’t stink. The sun was hardly seen even during noon. Once, when we saw a glimpse of it, we screamed along with the other people that were there with us. We thought climbing up the hill was extremely exhausting, but actually, going down was worse. We had to stop ourselves from stumbling down the hill, because there was a strong gravitational force pulling us down. It got colder when we climbed the hill, but when we walked down towards the foot, it got warmer. So, along the way down, we had to strip off our clothes one by one till the last piece remained.

Other than the famous strawberry garden, we visited the Boh Tea Factory. We were enlightened by a tour guide who told us how the tea leaves were processed into tea in teabags. Then, we had vanilla, strawberry and orange flavoured tea in the tea cafe nearby. None of them is tasty for any of us, except for the vanilla tea. You might think that it would look like tea with milk which has the milky, cloudy colour. It actually looked like an ordinary tea but it tasted like vanilla all right. Another thing is that, I am never very fond of strawberries because I always think that that the round, swelling shape they have is because of the big fat worms hiding in them. My assumption was proved to be true when my sister took a big bite of a big juicy strawberry, and found a squirming black fat worm in the centre of the fruit. My second fear was that she might eat the worm too without noticing it if she gobbled down the strawberry whole! Therefore now, whenever I eat strawberries, I have my own procedures to make sure they are safe for me.

more about me

Last Wednesday night, my friends and I went to a poetry performance in Pasar Seni. For me, it was great! It was really unexpected as I have no idea of how boring it would be. I went to the show after a last-minute decision when I realized that I just needed to watch it, or at least experience a bit of it. When all of us, students were first informed about the poetry, I was almost not at all interested in the idea. Although that day, in the examination room, I sat just a millimetre away from the whiteboard, I did not bother to crane my neck a bit to look at the notice written on the board. Even so, I just did, but only to make sure whether the ‘Polar Bear’ I just heard, was spelt like one. I convinced Tati to go too, in a not-very-convincing way so that I have some company. To summarise every little detail up, I’ll just mention some here. As I had never been to a real poetry show before, I was surprised to see how they frightened me. It was my first judgement of the whole show because the first recitation was..rather surprising that I wanted to flee from the room. But then, I was enjoying myself more when I saw the performances by Steven, a.k.a. Polar Bear and Rafique Rashid. They were hilarious and I had a hard time controlling my laughter.
When I came back after the show, I was still excited about poetry but when came the next day, I just don’t understand myself when I can’t bear to listen to any poetry at all. Tati had just finished some poetry she did just for fun. She handed me the paper which had figurative words on it. I did not read them. Instead, I just stared and when I can’t stare anymore, I hid the paper underneath a book. For the whole day, I can’t figure out why I acted so. Back when I was in my secondary school, I used to write poetries with my best friend. I think that the experience would be really helpful for my studies this year, but on the contrary, I am acting the exact opposite way towards the thing that I once loved. I really respected those who have passion to what they are doing, but sometimes, I just can’t get interested in what they have achieved successfully. Take poetry for instance.
When I ponder upon things sometimes, I was astonished how my life had change ever since I lived away from whom I used to spend every single moment with. I know everyone else has or had experience it, but like always, some things only happen to a particular individual. Usually, my sisters and I just could not leave home for a long period of time because we had the feeling that things would go wrong if not terribly, at home, where all our loved ones remain. None of us sisters ever stayed in a school hostel before, because none of us wanted it and my mother also never wished for anything like that to happen. If possible, my mother would want each one of her daughters to home-school and get herself a job which does not require her to stay away from us.
My state is almost like that of the guy in one of Polar Bear’s poetry which was about the guy who pretended to be in pursuit of his dreams and his mother did actually believe him. Having the same feeling of guilt as he did, I was determined to make my hopes and dreams true, to make those of my mother’s come true too. I was hardworking when I was in school and my SPM results was quite good, but both my parents and I know that I could do better. I want to prove it this year but first, I have to get rid of the laziness I have in me in order to keep myself started and keep going.
Here, I tried to study whenever I can, to be at least as good as my friends are. Last semester, I was extremely disappointed of my results. Things became worse during the meeting between parents and lecturers regarding the results. What was even worse is that the two persons that came with me on that day, was not my real parents. It was not that I was ashamed to them that hurt me so much, it was my patience that almost killed me. I was shuddering trying to face the facts that I was among the worst, and trying to hold back my tears in presence of the strangers before me. Now, I wonder if I can survive on my own in the future. I can only try with all the little I might and pray to God for the greatest miracle so that things would not be so bad after all.

my first blog

Usually, I do my reading and studying in my room, sitting up in bed, instead of sitting properly at the desk. I find this way of studying more comfortable and relaxing, compared to studying in a proper manner, which I found very tense. Either it is in my home back in Alor Star or the student house which I am staying now, I still study in my bed. The bed which I’m sitting now is not really comfortable, unlike the one I have in my home which is very soft and comfy. It is not a luxurious or an expensive type of bed or mattress which makes it very appealing to me, but it is the bedspread, the comforter and the pillows and bolsters on the bed in an air-conditioned room which do it. What’s more, it is located in the best place on Earth, where you can find all the love you need-HOME.. I have lots of made-up philosophies which work for me and one of them is: The more comfy the bed is, the better my exam results will be. It means, the more I love the comfort in studying, the more I study. To me, home and family is love, and with it, anything is possible. After all, it is love that makes the world go round.


At home, mornings never do for me to study or read anything, except the schedule about what’s on TV, especially the mornings which almost turn to afternoons, which is a completely hopeless time for me to even read a sentence in the newspaper as it can never stay in my mind even for a while. I sometimes study during a lazy and calm evening because that is when I get a bit inspired by the comfort of living in my home. The best time when I would get seriously inspired is at night, between 9 p.m. and 12 a.m., when there is no house chores and no task of running for groceries to bother me. When my family or my cats are around me, I would get even more inspired to study hard or to even finish my homework. Here, the only time which urges me to even open my books is when I have no choice but to finish my assignments and when I have tests and exams coming up.


Early this week, I was quite shocked of the course outlines for all subjects I’m required to learn and study. Even I was not really inspired to study hard, I was actually inspired to make sure that this year, I will be able to follow everything the lecturers taught me and be able to score my quizzes, tests, assignments and exams. I just realized that in order to do just that, I have to do the latter.


Last Friday, I went to One Utama to watch the movie Australia for my English subject. I was late for the movie so I didn’t catch the earlier part of it which my friends told me was very funny. I enjoyed the rest of it and I found it quite good. If I have enough allowance left this month, I would probably buy the DVD. When I stayed at home the last semester break, I watched a movie called “Joan’s Ark”. For a long time, I have not any new movies which I really love but that night, I discovered another one. I think I would put the movie Australia in my list of favourite movies too.


I used to have a passion of collecting books of many kinds of genres but one day, when I went to a bookshop near my hometown, I was surprised to find that I was indifferent to the world of knowledge displayed before me. Probably, because I have thousands of them at home and at the student house, and I have had enough. I giggled to myself when I went to the MPH bookstore recently, because I found that the fact that I have lost my interest in books is not true after all. Thank God, I forgot my purse at the student house when I was loitering in the bookstore otherwise, I would have spent all my money to the last dime on books which I have no guarantee of reading them. I love to read, and I would read just about anything if I am not in a bad mood. I just have the philosophy (another one), that anything and everything gives you knowledge and theoretical skills. I wish to have an ocean-wide range of knowledge and skills and that is why I still buy a lot of books although I don’t have the time to actually read each one page to page.