Studying hard is always hard for me because I was not used to pushing my head to memorise and understand hundreds of facts, concepts and other sorts of things in one whole day. AUSMAT has been a great challenge to me and it has changed a lot of things in me since – both good and bad. The good thing is, like the rest of my comrades might have long realized, it has occupied a good portion of our limited, fixed time given to us each day. It’s good when you don’t have to force yourself to sleep or prepare snacks because you don’t know what else to do. Without AUSMAT, I would be spending a great deal of my time relaxing too much and watching TV while nibbling away everything that could be nibbled. Relaxing is good but it harms when it’s overdone.
A big proportion of the things which I thought are the bad things I have gotten since AUSMAT has taken its toll on me, is probably just ‘bad’ because I don’t like it. Things I detest so much does not mean that they are harmful in my life. Maybe I have to bear in mind that we go through hardships to reach anyplace at all, right? Nothing is an exception. I have to lose something at least for a while to get something of equal or of larger importance. Some of the things that I have to give up are my commitment to, are drawing and music. Thinking too much about problems about them can drive me crazy sometimes. I think of the things I could learn more about/in these crazes of mine. I’ve fallen so far behind that I don’t dare to trip anymore. Now, while I am studying for my AUSMAT, I’ve been tripping, falling on my knees and back on my feet all over and over again. I’m tired of trying it the hard way – the way which I’m not able to avoid. Maybe I have to bear it for a while..
My mom says that an excellent person is one who never stays so quietly for even a while, even while the person is resting. Something must be going on in his mind, revolving, churning, racing. There is always something he wants to do in every moment of the day. There’s no one second to waste. My mom is very active, in my opinion. Even that I have lived with her my entire life, I’m still not tired with her enthusiasm. I am always amazed with her energy around the house. One question: Do you ‘sometimes’ feel to want some time alone without your parents around? I do. Several times before, I tried to enjoy myself to the fullest whenever I’m alone at home or only having my sisters around. I thought I was having a great time but something was always missing and it’s a big flaw. My mom has a kind of magnificent aura that she exerts all over our home, be it scary kinda magnificent or the pleasant kind. In all, my mom is vital for me. I think she’s eligible for the excellent people thingy. She scares and amazes me all at the same time. I don’t want to go into the details of how the precarious aura attacks me. ‘It makes me sweat’.
Anyway, how does she do that? Do moms always do?
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