Why is it so hard for you to talk? If someone asks me that, I’ll say, “what for? I talk when I only need to”. Basically, I think that talking has not much effect. Not all kinds of talking. Educational talk is one major exception, of course. If you talk a lot just to persuade or to give an idea to a person, does that guarantee that the person understands it? Or even heard you? In my own personal experiences, I found that talking does not solve a problem much. For example, when I was little, my parents always scolded me whenever I did anything wrong. For me, their nagging and talking were just a waste of time. Usually, I realized that their words were actually a good piece of advice, but being very egoistic, I ‘reminded’ myself that my parents were actually being jealous of my fun life. Soon, I discovered that by plugging my ears to keep all those clattering words from entering, I was able to keep myself below my boiling point. Realizing that scolding alone is not sufficient to teach their daughter about the real world, they resort to physical discipline. I hated it for sure, but those things sure make me a human in this real life.
The same goes for the story “A Thousand Years of Good Prayers”. The father gives advices and sometimes even a little bit of scolding to his daughter whenever he thinks she needs it, whenever she behaves in a way which he dislikes. The daughter does not respond much to the lecture because she thinks that the father is only being over-reacting to her way of life and being over-controlling her adult life. She is a grown-up, so she thinks that she understands her own self better. She also does not bother to defend herself because she knew that her father would not be getting the message she is trying to convey to him. She is aware of the huge language barrier and the generational gap between them. To sum up, people do not talk much because they knew that there’s not much that can be done through talking alone especially if the other party is not willing or does not intend to listen.
The second point is that, people lack the exact words and phrases which are able to express a feeling or emotion exactly. As the world moves on, people are getting more and more selfish with their own personal goals, wealth and recognition. They spend their lives blindly without much effort trying to get to know the spiritual side of life. They do not care about being nice to others and trying to make other people’s life a bit easier. Indirectly, they are actually running away from emotion and feelings. That explains why feelings are rarely discussed between two parties. Then, being lack in familiarity with expressive words, messages or ideas related to emotion, are very hard to be planted into other people’s understanding. Modern movies including this story obviously show that words are not meant to express a feeling. In romance films, lovers confess their love by affectionate and caring acts, not by words. The only words found are only “I love you”. In action movies in which two guys hate each other so much to the extent where they sworn to have their enemy’s head on a spike before they themselves die, words are not used to show their true loathing. Instead, they go on hot pursuits to physically express their hatred towards their foes.
If not with words, then what is the way which we could be more expressive and break down the wall of expressions? My strong opinion would be taking time to express and to let time help to break the emotional barrier little by little. I feel that it’s never easy to express a feeling the right way. For instance, to know how a person feels about us, let time show how he/she can act accordingly. Words do help to convey feelings, but not much. Things that are more said than done does not have the real effect it should. Maybe spending time with each other helps to strengthen and widen the expressive vocabulary. I believe that if one tries hard enough to convey his/her feelings to other people, he/she will succeed in the end, even if only words are used.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
why??
I was born in a family, a large one, with three funny sisters and one normal brother. My three normal sisters were born quite a while after I have grown big. I have one normal mom and a funny one. My dad was normal like me. Normal people are normal. Funny people are strange. They’re so big and brown and they have excellent ability in balancing between two legs! I was always scared of them but I loved them so dearly and so did they. My mom gave me milk so that I can grow big and strong, and handsome too. When I was growing, my strange family gave me food and shelter and surely lots and lots of love. Scolding and spanking were never conditional and that was one form of love which I didn’t quite understand at first.
In my family, there was this one weird girl who kept calling me hers. I never understood as I was aware that I belong to everyone equally. After some time, I realized this so called ‘mine’. But I did not belong to this particular girl, but to a different one instead. This one never mentioned anything about making me hers but I grew up to be so strong and so happy because of her. She would hang out with me alone so many times in a day, leaving behind all my stupid siblings babbling nonsense among each other. One thing that I really excelled in was jumping. I could jump really high that sometimes, I could even jump over my giant loving girlfriend with only one huge leap, thanks to my strong, muscular legs, and of course this girl.
I was not very sure about the changing feeling around my home but I felt it alright. My dear twin brother who was very close to me stayed further and further away from me each day. Maybe because he had a funny girlfriend. Hmm... that’s possible. But I had two! Hahahaa. This I could show off. My dad was always busy involving himself in fights which he described as for the purpose of defending land rights. How busy he was, he noticed something ‘evil’ in me. He began to lecture me all day and all night that my mom had to interfere so that everyone could have some real rest. My baby sisters were gossiping things about me while my twin brother said nothing but distanced himself away from me as far as he could.
Maybe all of them were overly jealous of my size, my strength, my ability, my popularity and my good looks. But then, I realized that my strange family also began to dislike me, even my two special sisters. Are they not happy with what I had become? I’m perfect! When things get really really awkward and I really really hated it, I began to voice out. Everyone seem to plug their ears from listening to me so I began to rebel. I made my baby sisters scared till they cried. I even create a conflict with my twin brother. Although he never seemed to be interested in fights, I forced him to do till my dad had to break us apart. Then after that, I hated my dad. I also showed how monstrous I could become to others in front of my great strange family, including my two girlfriends.
Why not things stay the way they were? I’m still me. Just, stronger and greater. Why don’t you all just accept the fact?
One day, one seriously wrong day, I was called upon my great mother, the head of the family. “Blechy, we’re going to take you out for some fresh air. Somewhere not very far from here. You’d like it wouldn’t you?” Then, she smiled an obvious fake smile while my dear two sisters started to sob.
Wait. Something is not right. Something is definitely wrong and I didn’t know what..
-will be continued-
In my family, there was this one weird girl who kept calling me hers. I never understood as I was aware that I belong to everyone equally. After some time, I realized this so called ‘mine’. But I did not belong to this particular girl, but to a different one instead. This one never mentioned anything about making me hers but I grew up to be so strong and so happy because of her. She would hang out with me alone so many times in a day, leaving behind all my stupid siblings babbling nonsense among each other. One thing that I really excelled in was jumping. I could jump really high that sometimes, I could even jump over my giant loving girlfriend with only one huge leap, thanks to my strong, muscular legs, and of course this girl.
I was not very sure about the changing feeling around my home but I felt it alright. My dear twin brother who was very close to me stayed further and further away from me each day. Maybe because he had a funny girlfriend. Hmm... that’s possible. But I had two! Hahahaa. This I could show off. My dad was always busy involving himself in fights which he described as for the purpose of defending land rights. How busy he was, he noticed something ‘evil’ in me. He began to lecture me all day and all night that my mom had to interfere so that everyone could have some real rest. My baby sisters were gossiping things about me while my twin brother said nothing but distanced himself away from me as far as he could.
Maybe all of them were overly jealous of my size, my strength, my ability, my popularity and my good looks. But then, I realized that my strange family also began to dislike me, even my two special sisters. Are they not happy with what I had become? I’m perfect! When things get really really awkward and I really really hated it, I began to voice out. Everyone seem to plug their ears from listening to me so I began to rebel. I made my baby sisters scared till they cried. I even create a conflict with my twin brother. Although he never seemed to be interested in fights, I forced him to do till my dad had to break us apart. Then after that, I hated my dad. I also showed how monstrous I could become to others in front of my great strange family, including my two girlfriends.
Why not things stay the way they were? I’m still me. Just, stronger and greater. Why don’t you all just accept the fact?
One day, one seriously wrong day, I was called upon my great mother, the head of the family. “Blechy, we’re going to take you out for some fresh air. Somewhere not very far from here. You’d like it wouldn’t you?” Then, she smiled an obvious fake smile while my dear two sisters started to sob.
Wait. Something is not right. Something is definitely wrong and I didn’t know what..
-will be continued-
Saturday, June 27, 2009
:-Poetry
We had poetry sessions during this whole week. Although I’m not very keen about the idea, I’m actually quite thankful to have been forced to join this poetry session. It might seem that I hate learning poetry with all my might but the truth is, I don’t really do, in fact, I loved poetry once and I would make one or more each day with my best friend. We would write poems and read each others’ and not commenting about it. Instead, we enjoyed each little bits and pieces of the poems that were created by our own wish. I only hate poetry to the point when things are getting extremely excessive for me to handle. That’s why, when it comes to voting the best poetry, I’d choose which seem more natural, maybe I should say ‘more neutral the recitation’. However, I seriously appreciate the talents of those who are able to do emotion acting and other sorts of acting which need a lot of commitment and guts.
The poem called “Something really Something” is the first poem I’ve ever written in 4 years. I took almost one whole day to create that piece. Not only that, I also wasted a lot of time thinking and being stressed over that piece. I had headache as a result of intense thinking and that made all the process even harder and slower. Finally at 1am, I completed it. I admit that it’s not that good at all. It’s very typical but it didn’t disappoint me much because the poem is true. It might sound to be a lot exaggerated but not really actually. I was only telling the story of my real life in other forms of words. ‘If’ you want to know what was I referring the poem to, it’s a cat.
Most of the poems that I ever heard in my entire life are about misery. Yes, all of the pieces are good including those which are created by my friends. They make people feel sad and cry. I admit that that is one of the aspects that make a poem a good one. But I’ve had enough of that in my life. I’ve enough sadness, enough despair and grief. I’m sorry but I can’t take any anymore. Sometimes, I feel that good poems corrode what’s left inside me. I’m not writing anymore.
I understand that billions of people are suffering more than I do. But still, I can’t bear mine. I pray for the others to endure theirs in patience and faith and always be strong.
The poem called “Something really Something” is the first poem I’ve ever written in 4 years. I took almost one whole day to create that piece. Not only that, I also wasted a lot of time thinking and being stressed over that piece. I had headache as a result of intense thinking and that made all the process even harder and slower. Finally at 1am, I completed it. I admit that it’s not that good at all. It’s very typical but it didn’t disappoint me much because the poem is true. It might sound to be a lot exaggerated but not really actually. I was only telling the story of my real life in other forms of words. ‘If’ you want to know what was I referring the poem to, it’s a cat.
Most of the poems that I ever heard in my entire life are about misery. Yes, all of the pieces are good including those which are created by my friends. They make people feel sad and cry. I admit that that is one of the aspects that make a poem a good one. But I’ve had enough of that in my life. I’ve enough sadness, enough despair and grief. I’m sorry but I can’t take any anymore. Sometimes, I feel that good poems corrode what’s left inside me. I’m not writing anymore.
I understand that billions of people are suffering more than I do. But still, I can’t bear mine. I pray for the others to endure theirs in patience and faith and always be strong.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
music and fate II
6th seriously one of the best news of all:
We usually had only our teacher to conduct our small orchestra. But this time, we’re receiving another one! I was told that someone important is going to be present for the show but not that he is going to conduct us! All of us were introduced to Brian Tan, the Resident Conductor of the KLPAC.
We were also told that he is a brilliant musician. He had achieved a great number of accomplishments both locally and internationally. He used to conduct the first violins team in what orchestra, I’m not sure. But I’m sure that is extremely superb! He is conducting us for a few songs out of the 11. It was a wonderful experience to have him taught us a bit about playing good music. I just can’t simply put them to words. Even my facial expressions fail to show how I felt. It was simply great and brilliant. Some of the songs were required to be played at top speeds. I was struggling so hard to catch up. Some songs need lazy and romantic feelings so, we had to play the notes in a ‘sliding’ manner. He was extremely funny in how he expressed himself in order to teach us and to deliver the exact message to us. My stomach hurt so much that if no one was around, I’d be rolling on the ground trying to get over his jokes. We only had less than two days in which we spent time learning with him.
I was quite disappointed that all of us actually had only less than 24 hours time with him. But as I think again, I’m quite thankful for things to be so because this wonderful feeling inside us wouldn’t exist if otherwise, would it?
Overall, I’m so thankful to have learnt music. Not just learning, but learning in a precious way, having my teacher as my teacher and my friends as my friends. I’m also thankful to God who had arranged everything so perfect the timing, I was able to enjoy myself to the limit before officially leaving my music and this way, I’m not that overwhelmed that I’m not able to continue with my studies. I was anticipating myself breaking at this point because this is the point where my real troubles (music as well as other problem) come to meet one another and I would not have the strength to welcome them. But God had fixed one of the problems so meticulously and brilliantly that the other black problems seemed to have faded away slowly together with the first black one.
Thank you God.. ^_^
We usually had only our teacher to conduct our small orchestra. But this time, we’re receiving another one! I was told that someone important is going to be present for the show but not that he is going to conduct us! All of us were introduced to Brian Tan, the Resident Conductor of the KLPAC.
We were also told that he is a brilliant musician. He had achieved a great number of accomplishments both locally and internationally. He used to conduct the first violins team in what orchestra, I’m not sure. But I’m sure that is extremely superb! He is conducting us for a few songs out of the 11. It was a wonderful experience to have him taught us a bit about playing good music. I just can’t simply put them to words. Even my facial expressions fail to show how I felt. It was simply great and brilliant. Some of the songs were required to be played at top speeds. I was struggling so hard to catch up. Some songs need lazy and romantic feelings so, we had to play the notes in a ‘sliding’ manner. He was extremely funny in how he expressed himself in order to teach us and to deliver the exact message to us. My stomach hurt so much that if no one was around, I’d be rolling on the ground trying to get over his jokes. We only had less than two days in which we spent time learning with him.
I was quite disappointed that all of us actually had only less than 24 hours time with him. But as I think again, I’m quite thankful for things to be so because this wonderful feeling inside us wouldn’t exist if otherwise, would it?
Overall, I’m so thankful to have learnt music. Not just learning, but learning in a precious way, having my teacher as my teacher and my friends as my friends. I’m also thankful to God who had arranged everything so perfect the timing, I was able to enjoy myself to the limit before officially leaving my music and this way, I’m not that overwhelmed that I’m not able to continue with my studies. I was anticipating myself breaking at this point because this is the point where my real troubles (music as well as other problem) come to meet one another and I would not have the strength to welcome them. But God had fixed one of the problems so meticulously and brilliantly that the other black problems seemed to have faded away slowly together with the first black one.
Thank you God.. ^_^
music and fate
I went to my former music class this morning to get something from my teacher. There was one boy whom I know practicing on his violin in a half glass-walled room in which also my teacher was in. He was playing a song which my little sister just started to learn. I was surprised to learn that the dexterous boy’s grade is not so far as my quite inept sister’s. She was delighted when she knew this but I said, “your grades don’t matter. Your experience does.” “I’ll be like him in the future,” replied my sis. “How future? I bet it’s VERY future,” I argued. She slanted her eyes to me and said in full of dimmed wickedness, “You? No future..” “... .......... ~_~” “HAHAHAHAAAA!!!” I was taken aback by the truth of the heartless statement. It felt like as if a lightning was literally striking through my heart. I was ripped. TRUE. Isn’t it?
Anyway... I am so so so thankful to God for the reality of the almost hopeless hope I hoped for. In February, my little sis informed me about the music concert my teacher will be holding soon. I was devastated because I knew there’s no way I can join it. Not because someone didn’t let me. It was the timing. About half a month later, I saw our study schedule on my friend’s locker. Then I immediately checked the dates of the show and our study holidays. PERFECT!!! Just Perfect! I’ll go home on the 5th of June – the last day of our mid year’s exams. The shows will be held on the 6th and the 7th June! Wow! There was a glint of hope in me. Two three weeks later, during the weekends, I went home to take my violin here to KL so that I could prepare for the concert. I have my studies to cope up with but I still make way for my music.
That was one good news. This is another one. My sis informed me that this show will be held in an auditorium. Waaa.... Another glint of dream struck me. This means that this show is gonna be a bit grander than before – because the previous concerts were held in a small hall-like hotel dining room.
3rd good news: “Why so many scores?” I asked my sis. “Because.. this is gonna be OUR show. Not the small children’s.” “Are you serious? You mean.. OUR show??” “Uh-huh” Good!! In the previous concerts, there were only few scores which our small symphony orchestra can play because we had to allocate some time for the ‘trivial’ kids to perform their show. (I'm kinda selfish, am I not?) So.. instead of playing only about 5 short songs like before, we’re gonna play 11! Now, that is worth the effort! Plus, the show’s gonna be held for two nights in a row, so that’s the 4th good news.
1st bad news – This arrived not long before the date of the concert. My big sister will not be able to attend the show as she’ll be having this SUKSIS thing of hers. Pity her..because she was also developing some kind of skin disorder that was so irritating.
5th good news: My big sis is gonna make it after all! That SUKSIS event thingy had been cancelled!
2nd bad news: The SUKSIS event was decided to be held on the original date. So, my big sis can’t attend. Again. Let’s just assume that the 5th good news and the 2nd bad news did not exist.
2nd real bad news. On the 5th of June, when I will be on my way home, will be a simple rehearsal for the concert. Oh, I’m sure I’m gonna be pretty exhausted after the 5 1/2-hour journey! I don’t want to go for the practice! “I think you should come. Have pity on teacher, please,” advised my little sis.
5th real good news: “Oh Mia, teacher just cancelled the practice. So we can go have dinner at Pizza Hut with mom and Along,” my sis told me. Thank God.. My big sis is departing the next day. That means that I won’t be able to stay long with my Along.
6th seriously one of the best news of all: ___________
I’ll write in my next post-lah.. ^_^ HEhehehe....
Anyway... I am so so so thankful to God for the reality of the almost hopeless hope I hoped for. In February, my little sis informed me about the music concert my teacher will be holding soon. I was devastated because I knew there’s no way I can join it. Not because someone didn’t let me. It was the timing. About half a month later, I saw our study schedule on my friend’s locker. Then I immediately checked the dates of the show and our study holidays. PERFECT!!! Just Perfect! I’ll go home on the 5th of June – the last day of our mid year’s exams. The shows will be held on the 6th and the 7th June! Wow! There was a glint of hope in me. Two three weeks later, during the weekends, I went home to take my violin here to KL so that I could prepare for the concert. I have my studies to cope up with but I still make way for my music.
That was one good news. This is another one. My sis informed me that this show will be held in an auditorium. Waaa.... Another glint of dream struck me. This means that this show is gonna be a bit grander than before – because the previous concerts were held in a small hall-like hotel dining room.
3rd good news: “Why so many scores?” I asked my sis. “Because.. this is gonna be OUR show. Not the small children’s.” “Are you serious? You mean.. OUR show??” “Uh-huh” Good!! In the previous concerts, there were only few scores which our small symphony orchestra can play because we had to allocate some time for the ‘trivial’ kids to perform their show. (I'm kinda selfish, am I not?) So.. instead of playing only about 5 short songs like before, we’re gonna play 11! Now, that is worth the effort! Plus, the show’s gonna be held for two nights in a row, so that’s the 4th good news.
1st bad news – This arrived not long before the date of the concert. My big sister will not be able to attend the show as she’ll be having this SUKSIS thing of hers. Pity her..because she was also developing some kind of skin disorder that was so irritating.
5th good news: My big sis is gonna make it after all! That SUKSIS event thingy had been cancelled!
2nd bad news: The SUKSIS event was decided to be held on the original date. So, my big sis can’t attend. Again. Let’s just assume that the 5th good news and the 2nd bad news did not exist.
2nd real bad news. On the 5th of June, when I will be on my way home, will be a simple rehearsal for the concert. Oh, I’m sure I’m gonna be pretty exhausted after the 5 1/2-hour journey! I don’t want to go for the practice! “I think you should come. Have pity on teacher, please,” advised my little sis.
5th real good news: “Oh Mia, teacher just cancelled the practice. So we can go have dinner at Pizza Hut with mom and Along,” my sis told me. Thank God.. My big sis is departing the next day. That means that I won’t be able to stay long with my Along.
6th seriously one of the best news of all: ___________
I’ll write in my next post-lah.. ^_^ HEhehehe....
moms and aura
Studying hard is always hard for me because I was not used to pushing my head to memorise and understand hundreds of facts, concepts and other sorts of things in one whole day. AUSMAT has been a great challenge to me and it has changed a lot of things in me since – both good and bad. The good thing is, like the rest of my comrades might have long realized, it has occupied a good portion of our limited, fixed time given to us each day. It’s good when you don’t have to force yourself to sleep or prepare snacks because you don’t know what else to do. Without AUSMAT, I would be spending a great deal of my time relaxing too much and watching TV while nibbling away everything that could be nibbled. Relaxing is good but it harms when it’s overdone.
A big proportion of the things which I thought are the bad things I have gotten since AUSMAT has taken its toll on me, is probably just ‘bad’ because I don’t like it. Things I detest so much does not mean that they are harmful in my life. Maybe I have to bear in mind that we go through hardships to reach anyplace at all, right? Nothing is an exception. I have to lose something at least for a while to get something of equal or of larger importance. Some of the things that I have to give up are my commitment to, are drawing and music. Thinking too much about problems about them can drive me crazy sometimes. I think of the things I could learn more about/in these crazes of mine. I’ve fallen so far behind that I don’t dare to trip anymore. Now, while I am studying for my AUSMAT, I’ve been tripping, falling on my knees and back on my feet all over and over again. I’m tired of trying it the hard way – the way which I’m not able to avoid. Maybe I have to bear it for a while..
My mom says that an excellent person is one who never stays so quietly for even a while, even while the person is resting. Something must be going on in his mind, revolving, churning, racing. There is always something he wants to do in every moment of the day. There’s no one second to waste. My mom is very active, in my opinion. Even that I have lived with her my entire life, I’m still not tired with her enthusiasm. I am always amazed with her energy around the house. One question: Do you ‘sometimes’ feel to want some time alone without your parents around? I do. Several times before, I tried to enjoy myself to the fullest whenever I’m alone at home or only having my sisters around. I thought I was having a great time but something was always missing and it’s a big flaw. My mom has a kind of magnificent aura that she exerts all over our home, be it scary kinda magnificent or the pleasant kind. In all, my mom is vital for me. I think she’s eligible for the excellent people thingy. She scares and amazes me all at the same time. I don’t want to go into the details of how the precarious aura attacks me. ‘It makes me sweat’.
Anyway, how does she do that? Do moms always do?
A big proportion of the things which I thought are the bad things I have gotten since AUSMAT has taken its toll on me, is probably just ‘bad’ because I don’t like it. Things I detest so much does not mean that they are harmful in my life. Maybe I have to bear in mind that we go through hardships to reach anyplace at all, right? Nothing is an exception. I have to lose something at least for a while to get something of equal or of larger importance. Some of the things that I have to give up are my commitment to, are drawing and music. Thinking too much about problems about them can drive me crazy sometimes. I think of the things I could learn more about/in these crazes of mine. I’ve fallen so far behind that I don’t dare to trip anymore. Now, while I am studying for my AUSMAT, I’ve been tripping, falling on my knees and back on my feet all over and over again. I’m tired of trying it the hard way – the way which I’m not able to avoid. Maybe I have to bear it for a while..
My mom says that an excellent person is one who never stays so quietly for even a while, even while the person is resting. Something must be going on in his mind, revolving, churning, racing. There is always something he wants to do in every moment of the day. There’s no one second to waste. My mom is very active, in my opinion. Even that I have lived with her my entire life, I’m still not tired with her enthusiasm. I am always amazed with her energy around the house. One question: Do you ‘sometimes’ feel to want some time alone without your parents around? I do. Several times before, I tried to enjoy myself to the fullest whenever I’m alone at home or only having my sisters around. I thought I was having a great time but something was always missing and it’s a big flaw. My mom has a kind of magnificent aura that she exerts all over our home, be it scary kinda magnificent or the pleasant kind. In all, my mom is vital for me. I think she’s eligible for the excellent people thingy. She scares and amazes me all at the same time. I don’t want to go into the details of how the precarious aura attacks me. ‘It makes me sweat’.
Anyway, how does she do that? Do moms always do?
all strange & weird II
... he lurched forward and fell into the dirt which was lying between us. I looked at the patch of mud pool and saw that it was quite a pretty good trap. The boy got up as soon as his whole body sprawled around in the muddy dirt. I was afraid to think he would charge out towards us to continue what he wanted to do – cut us into pieces. Instead, he scrambled to his feet and ran back to where the five weird children were standing with their bikes, waiting for the evil deed to be done.
I then realized what he might be thinking. I shouted out to them while the rest were fleeing with the shirtless boy, “Yeah, you all better run if you want to save yourselves! I’ve lots of traps laid out, ready to get you! Come back here if you dare!” ‘What the *%#@ is this big sis babbling about?’ wondered the faces of my little sis and my neighbour. I didn’t answer instead I smiled proudly having successfully driven all the crazy weirdos away. I marched forward to the little gate to see where they were running to or disappeared to.
Without thinking, I took one proud stride and ‘swooosh!’ went me into ‘my’ mud trap. I found myself lying in the dirt, dirty and scratched. My dress was covered with dirt, mud, dead leaves, tiny pebbles and peculiar smell, probably some small animals’ poo. My sister and neighbour burst out laughing, clutching their shaking bodies. I got up, feeling my stabbed arrogance and return home without wanting to expose myself to any further humiliation.
I’m not sure whether we told our moms about the creepy incident but I think we did. Who knows if the children were actually belonged to other species of creatures which are foreign to human eyes or they were just the villagers’ children having unusual jokes and some fun time.
++ Fin ++
I then realized what he might be thinking. I shouted out to them while the rest were fleeing with the shirtless boy, “Yeah, you all better run if you want to save yourselves! I’ve lots of traps laid out, ready to get you! Come back here if you dare!” ‘What the *%#@ is this big sis babbling about?’ wondered the faces of my little sis and my neighbour. I didn’t answer instead I smiled proudly having successfully driven all the crazy weirdos away. I marched forward to the little gate to see where they were running to or disappeared to.
Without thinking, I took one proud stride and ‘swooosh!’ went me into ‘my’ mud trap. I found myself lying in the dirt, dirty and scratched. My dress was covered with dirt, mud, dead leaves, tiny pebbles and peculiar smell, probably some small animals’ poo. My sister and neighbour burst out laughing, clutching their shaking bodies. I got up, feeling my stabbed arrogance and return home without wanting to expose myself to any further humiliation.
I’m not sure whether we told our moms about the creepy incident but I think we did. Who knows if the children were actually belonged to other species of creatures which are foreign to human eyes or they were just the villagers’ children having unusual jokes and some fun time.
++ Fin ++
Thursday, May 21, 2009
all strange & weird
I had a funny feeling this week. What is that actually? I’m trying to find out, trying to recall any familiar situation to this. Maybe it’s the feeling of a major exam approaching? Maybe it’s the excitement of going home and to finally relax a bit? Maybe it’s the calm feeling when you got used to your new surroundings. I thought it feels like Ramadhan because of the unusual tranquillity despite your growling stomach (because you’re broke). Or maybe it’s the feeling of failing (or almost) your papers. . I’m not sure. And I don’t know if it’s a good or a bad feeling – but it’s funny alright.
This is the story of one of the strangest things that ever happened to me in my whole life.
When I was 10, I lived in a school’s quarters somewhere in the edge of the city (also the edge of the village). I heard that this ‘edge’ place is worse than the city, even the village, in terms of their youngsters’ behaviours. Maybe I heard this from some teachers I can’t be certain who. One evening, I was taking a stroll in the back part of the school, near the corner of the back fields, towards the little back gate which leads outside the school compound and to a river nearby, with my 7-year old sister and 9-year old neighbour. The place was always quiet and sometimes it had the eerie feeling that someone is watching you. There’s no one in the area, except the nearest villagers who lived nearby the river. The school border on that particular side was always covered with bushes and shady, half-dead trees. Sometimes, we spotted a couple of guys or even girls or both behind the bushes. It’s scary to think what they were up to – we caught a pair one evening! – Sometimes, we spotted a flock of birds of unknown species (which I have never seen in books) scratching for food below the trees. I think they are those species which can’t fly – but they’re not chickens! They are at least as 3 times the size of a rooster. Some are more than four times as large. I drew nearer because I can’t be certain what exactly are those weird black shapes lurking under the trees. When I did, all of them turned their small heads to stare at me and gave that chilling feeling. They were quiet and it seemed that they didn’t feel threatened of people’s presence. I was the one who did.
Well, back to the story now. We were strolling and decided to visit the still river which means, that we had to go through the tiny exit gate. When we were just five metres from the gate, a group of children (five of them I supposed, four girls and a boy – all were little and of almost the same age as us) popped out from nowhere and stood in the middle of our path. They were at the mouth of the gate but still in the area outside the school. We stopped dead in our tracks and looked up at them (the gate was a bit elevated because it was leading to a higher ground outside where the river was located). We were surprised as they were acting weird. They laughed and giggled to us (in a teasing tone) as if we did anything at all. The momentary silence and awkwardness were soon broken when one of them called out a name – my sister’s.
I was relieved when at the thought that they were my sister’s friends and wanted to join us. I turned to my sister, “A friend of yours?” My sister shook her head, saying, “No, no. I’ve never seen them before.” Then the second girl called out the same name. My sister was trying hard to recall the faces that she might have known before. “Maybe your school friends?”, I suggested. “No. I’m sure they’re not anyone I know or even have seen before.” It was a logical answer even from a 7-year old as my sister just started her school in this new place and we lived nowhere near other villagers. “Who are you? What’s your name?”, my neighbour yelled out to them. There was no answer but instead, they kept on laughing and giggling and calling out my sister’s name. We repeated asking for their names and how did they know us. There were no answers, only laughs and titters.
I was a kind of a rebel back then and so I challenged them, saying, “What do you want from us, eh? Don’t try to scare us because we are not! Come and have a duel with me if you want a fight!” I moved forward, closer to them so that they felt threatened. Then, they stop laughing and looked to their right at something (which didn’t know what because our view was blocked by bushes). Then a boy appeared and came striding fast towards us with a parang.
Our eyes were big with fear but I stuck to my ego and moved nearer to the shirtless, slightly older and Chinese-like faced boy with the weapon. I was sure that he would not hurt me because.. that is the story which we can only found in news, not nearby. That was the thought I had. We continue to move forward, closer to one another and when he was close enough to be able to scratch me with the tip of the parang...
to be continued... (kinda too long don'tcha think?)
This is the story of one of the strangest things that ever happened to me in my whole life.
When I was 10, I lived in a school’s quarters somewhere in the edge of the city (also the edge of the village). I heard that this ‘edge’ place is worse than the city, even the village, in terms of their youngsters’ behaviours. Maybe I heard this from some teachers I can’t be certain who. One evening, I was taking a stroll in the back part of the school, near the corner of the back fields, towards the little back gate which leads outside the school compound and to a river nearby, with my 7-year old sister and 9-year old neighbour. The place was always quiet and sometimes it had the eerie feeling that someone is watching you. There’s no one in the area, except the nearest villagers who lived nearby the river. The school border on that particular side was always covered with bushes and shady, half-dead trees. Sometimes, we spotted a couple of guys or even girls or both behind the bushes. It’s scary to think what they were up to – we caught a pair one evening! – Sometimes, we spotted a flock of birds of unknown species (which I have never seen in books) scratching for food below the trees. I think they are those species which can’t fly – but they’re not chickens! They are at least as 3 times the size of a rooster. Some are more than four times as large. I drew nearer because I can’t be certain what exactly are those weird black shapes lurking under the trees. When I did, all of them turned their small heads to stare at me and gave that chilling feeling. They were quiet and it seemed that they didn’t feel threatened of people’s presence. I was the one who did.
Well, back to the story now. We were strolling and decided to visit the still river which means, that we had to go through the tiny exit gate. When we were just five metres from the gate, a group of children (five of them I supposed, four girls and a boy – all were little and of almost the same age as us) popped out from nowhere and stood in the middle of our path. They were at the mouth of the gate but still in the area outside the school. We stopped dead in our tracks and looked up at them (the gate was a bit elevated because it was leading to a higher ground outside where the river was located). We were surprised as they were acting weird. They laughed and giggled to us (in a teasing tone) as if we did anything at all. The momentary silence and awkwardness were soon broken when one of them called out a name – my sister’s.
I was relieved when at the thought that they were my sister’s friends and wanted to join us. I turned to my sister, “A friend of yours?” My sister shook her head, saying, “No, no. I’ve never seen them before.” Then the second girl called out the same name. My sister was trying hard to recall the faces that she might have known before. “Maybe your school friends?”, I suggested. “No. I’m sure they’re not anyone I know or even have seen before.” It was a logical answer even from a 7-year old as my sister just started her school in this new place and we lived nowhere near other villagers. “Who are you? What’s your name?”, my neighbour yelled out to them. There was no answer but instead, they kept on laughing and giggling and calling out my sister’s name. We repeated asking for their names and how did they know us. There were no answers, only laughs and titters.
I was a kind of a rebel back then and so I challenged them, saying, “What do you want from us, eh? Don’t try to scare us because we are not! Come and have a duel with me if you want a fight!” I moved forward, closer to them so that they felt threatened. Then, they stop laughing and looked to their right at something (which didn’t know what because our view was blocked by bushes). Then a boy appeared and came striding fast towards us with a parang.
Our eyes were big with fear but I stuck to my ego and moved nearer to the shirtless, slightly older and Chinese-like faced boy with the weapon. I was sure that he would not hurt me because.. that is the story which we can only found in news, not nearby. That was the thought I had. We continue to move forward, closer to one another and when he was close enough to be able to scratch me with the tip of the parang...
to be continued... (kinda too long don'tcha think?)
Saturday, May 16, 2009
the Poenari
Blogging once a week makes me run out of ideas. I am not of any particular mood or feeling this week. What I am sure is that I was extremely tired last Thursday and this is week is the strangest week of all. Little unexpected things showed up recently and I was quite surprised and puzzled. Details are confidential of course.
Nadira suggested me to write something about my favourite books or anything I have read. I have yet to finish my #1 favourite book and the #2 is too complicated to be described even the overall story. Both books captivated me and they still do. The writers have excellent ideas and skills to describe them. They create a virtual seemingly real world in this actual real world. Amazing events are ingeniously expressed and illustrated in words. I was there, witnessing the events and the beauty of the places and their people, every time I read those books. For me, the skill is an intense, extreme gift to be bestowed upon. Why don’t I have such brilliant creativity? It’s quite true that I do not really enjoy writing stories but it would help a lot to have the knack in my studies of architecture.
Try browsing for castles through the internet. I would suggest anyone interested to look for ‘Castle of Dracula’. It is my favourite among all the buildings I know – excluding the Colosseum (because that one is also my favourite). Actually.. Dracula is the main question and mystery in my #1 book. It’s not anything childish or fancily exaggerated that you might think it is. The reason is that Dracula did exist as ‘Vlad the Impaler’ and for further enquiries due to sceptical curiosity, please refer to the net. In my so-far-#1 film, ‘The Gladiator’ (starring Rusell Crowe, not the one outdated and not about heroes), two of the settings are the majestic Colosseum and the Roman Forum.
I discovered that Vlad Tepes is an important part of the Romanian history. Even so, his real castle (the Poenari Castle) which sets in the Romanian mountains, in the middle of the Romanians, is rarely being crowded with people. And the Romanians are actually quite surprised why foreign travellers love and eager to visit the castle. What would be the reason if you are the one eager to see the ‘Real Castle of Dracula’? Mine would be..because I want to see for myself the residence and the torture location of the legendary evil blood-sucking vampire. That’s why the Romanians don’t bother much about the castle and why the entrance fee to the castle is only 2 lei (75 cents in US$). They never heard the story about the blood thirsty monster! This character was only created by the writer Bram Stoker. See how he has changed the ideas and perception of people all over the world? That is called ‘The Power of Magic Words’ which only the expert writers have.
The Poenari Castle is also one of the most haunted places on Earth. Why it is the only place where the Discovery Team fled from which they were supposed to do research and investigation on. Among the reasons is that, from the video they took of the castle from afar, there were a couple of red lights going up the hills and mountains, towards the castle, one night. Various techniques have been done to the clip in order to ascertain what those lights were. Their efforts were fruitless. What they discovered was that the red lights were going through routes which were impossible for a human, even a mountain goat to climb. And if somebody was only playing a trick on them, it was a really good one. ..
I just thought to make the visit to the Poenari Castle to be one of my dreams..I think I’ll think again.
Nadira suggested me to write something about my favourite books or anything I have read. I have yet to finish my #1 favourite book and the #2 is too complicated to be described even the overall story. Both books captivated me and they still do. The writers have excellent ideas and skills to describe them. They create a virtual seemingly real world in this actual real world. Amazing events are ingeniously expressed and illustrated in words. I was there, witnessing the events and the beauty of the places and their people, every time I read those books. For me, the skill is an intense, extreme gift to be bestowed upon. Why don’t I have such brilliant creativity? It’s quite true that I do not really enjoy writing stories but it would help a lot to have the knack in my studies of architecture.
Try browsing for castles through the internet. I would suggest anyone interested to look for ‘Castle of Dracula’. It is my favourite among all the buildings I know – excluding the Colosseum (because that one is also my favourite). Actually.. Dracula is the main question and mystery in my #1 book. It’s not anything childish or fancily exaggerated that you might think it is. The reason is that Dracula did exist as ‘Vlad the Impaler’ and for further enquiries due to sceptical curiosity, please refer to the net. In my so-far-#1 film, ‘The Gladiator’ (starring Rusell Crowe, not the one outdated and not about heroes), two of the settings are the majestic Colosseum and the Roman Forum.
I discovered that Vlad Tepes is an important part of the Romanian history. Even so, his real castle (the Poenari Castle) which sets in the Romanian mountains, in the middle of the Romanians, is rarely being crowded with people. And the Romanians are actually quite surprised why foreign travellers love and eager to visit the castle. What would be the reason if you are the one eager to see the ‘Real Castle of Dracula’? Mine would be..because I want to see for myself the residence and the torture location of the legendary evil blood-sucking vampire. That’s why the Romanians don’t bother much about the castle and why the entrance fee to the castle is only 2 lei (75 cents in US$). They never heard the story about the blood thirsty monster! This character was only created by the writer Bram Stoker. See how he has changed the ideas and perception of people all over the world? That is called ‘The Power of Magic Words’ which only the expert writers have.
The Poenari Castle is also one of the most haunted places on Earth. Why it is the only place where the Discovery Team fled from which they were supposed to do research and investigation on. Among the reasons is that, from the video they took of the castle from afar, there were a couple of red lights going up the hills and mountains, towards the castle, one night. Various techniques have been done to the clip in order to ascertain what those lights were. Their efforts were fruitless. What they discovered was that the red lights were going through routes which were impossible for a human, even a mountain goat to climb. And if somebody was only playing a trick on them, it was a really good one. ..
I just thought to make the visit to the Poenari Castle to be one of my dreams..I think I’ll think again.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
slowly lifted spirits
At the hall, I didn’t see any excited or overjoyed faces and so my soul dropped even lower. ‘What do you have here, eh? Bring it on. I’m not scared. I bet you can never make me like anything here.’ After a simple briefing, we went to our respective rooms. I was quite surprised to see how the rooms were constructed and placed. The boys were given four rooms to share and so were the girls. Our rooms were the only ones at that corner where the view to the other rooms was blocked by zinc walls. The rooms were cosy for me because there were six double-decker beds with three being lined up alongside one wall and three on the other. It was stuffy but cute and I was delighted. Oh, how we pushed ourselves amongst each other to get to our beds or to fetch our things. It was hot and sticky in the morning and the evening, when we usually only had the activities done. I was late into the room so I was unable to book one of the upper beds. I wanted one so badly because I would always want the high-located fans to blow into me all the time. I don’t want to swelter and soak my shirts smelly. I sulked silently.
When it was time for our showers..WOW!!! It was truly amazing! As a start, I was glad that they had enough bathrooms and toilets for us to share. What was the real pleasure was the water... I gasped the moment it touched me cold and pleasantly on the head. I lifted up my head to see nothing but cool green woods beyond the bathroom low wall. Yes, this is also like camp I went for my National Service. But that other woods was scary that high zinc walls were being constructed around the place so that people can’t see it clear enough to get nightmares for the night.
The night turned so unexpectedly icy that I thanked God for giving me no place nicer to sleep in except that lower bed I managed to get. I was so exhausted that I could feel my muscle cells snapping one by one in all places. When the days turned frozen, the aches killed me. I limped around like a 100-year old great-great grandma dragging herself all over the place in an outfit too heavy and too difficult to walk in. I recalled the first time I had this kind of pain. It was during the most dreadful camp I ever had. I was worn out that night looking for an empty room for me and my sister to spend the cold night. We finally rested when we found vacancy in the teachers’ room. The next morning, we woke up early for the aerobic exercise. I took my bath before that. When I poured the freezing water onto my body, a lightning of pain went racing up my spine to my neck which was so excruciating that I mind went blank for a while. Later, the pain deteriorated. I couldn’t move all my four limbs or my main body with ease. Every single twitch of movement was agonizing.
God helped me a lot. When the camp was getting more and more exciting, the pain in my legs eased and I move freely once again. The pain was gone for a short while at the exact right time, when the explorace was held. I don’t know what to do if I can’t walk, leave alone to run. After the camp, the ache came back but it went away gradually. Timing has always been right and exact and that’s why I always know God is behind everything.
When it was time for our showers..WOW!!! It was truly amazing! As a start, I was glad that they had enough bathrooms and toilets for us to share. What was the real pleasure was the water... I gasped the moment it touched me cold and pleasantly on the head. I lifted up my head to see nothing but cool green woods beyond the bathroom low wall. Yes, this is also like camp I went for my National Service. But that other woods was scary that high zinc walls were being constructed around the place so that people can’t see it clear enough to get nightmares for the night.
The night turned so unexpectedly icy that I thanked God for giving me no place nicer to sleep in except that lower bed I managed to get. I was so exhausted that I could feel my muscle cells snapping one by one in all places. When the days turned frozen, the aches killed me. I limped around like a 100-year old great-great grandma dragging herself all over the place in an outfit too heavy and too difficult to walk in. I recalled the first time I had this kind of pain. It was during the most dreadful camp I ever had. I was worn out that night looking for an empty room for me and my sister to spend the cold night. We finally rested when we found vacancy in the teachers’ room. The next morning, we woke up early for the aerobic exercise. I took my bath before that. When I poured the freezing water onto my body, a lightning of pain went racing up my spine to my neck which was so excruciating that I mind went blank for a while. Later, the pain deteriorated. I couldn’t move all my four limbs or my main body with ease. Every single twitch of movement was agonizing.
God helped me a lot. When the camp was getting more and more exciting, the pain in my legs eased and I move freely once again. The pain was gone for a short while at the exact right time, when the explorace was held. I don’t know what to do if I can’t walk, leave alone to run. After the camp, the ache came back but it went away gradually. Timing has always been right and exact and that’s why I always know God is behind everything.
camping in droopiness
This one is for the week which we had the ‘summer’ camp. So this week, I’m posting 2 blogs to make up for last week.
“This is absolutely not some sort of National Service,” was what Mr Al told us before we went for the camp. I was truly relieved. I was apathetic with the whole idea, the activities..everything. I went for it without any much hesitation because I had nothing better to do except studying economics which I truly doubted I would do. When the day for the camp arrived, I was a bit excited because I saw all my friends rushing up and down the stairs, in and out of the house, even to and fro from OU, looking for stuffs we would be needing. One day before the camp, we had just finished our maths test so we went to OU to release our tension, to watch some movies and also to look for things for the camp. Our main aim of shopping was to buy some tracksuits, then go to the movies. Instead, we got ourselves diverted from the real objective so we had to go back shopping the next day.
The journey to our destination was a rough one, at least for me. I hate buses because I’ve had more than enough of them. I take the bus every time I go back to my hometown and it takes at least five hours to reach the place. Buses give bumpy rides so I feel sick each time I take it. Now, this one which I took for the camp, was worse. I’m not complaining here, just pouring out what I can’t at the time. This bus jumped while it wheeled down the road. I thought I could take it until...I realized I had one of the worst views I wouldn’t want to have in all my life. I don’t want to describe it...To make it even worse, when it came for the bus to climb up the hills on the way to the resort, it was literally crawling up and down those hills. I stayed very quietly not trying to make my nerves snapped till my little sister called. She complained because I didn’t tell her that I was going for some ‘days off’. ‘Why should I bother when I don’t even want to go?!’ The line was not clear so I had to press my ear closer to the phone and having my ear grilled. I was exasperated but I did nothing to show it because I did not want to upset my sister, by brain and my patience.
The first thing that I enjoyed at the camp was the truck ride up the hill to the very resort. It was thrilling than a roller coaster and I think theme parks should all have one. Along the way, I saw a weird-looking pool which I didn’t know what purpose it has being there. When we reached the resort, there was one more unusual pool which I later found out that it’s for people swimming. ‘what a weird thing to do to be wading in such a pool’ was the thought I had. It was ironic because I later enjoyed losing myself in the pool.
When all of us arrived, we were given a briefing about our meals, and accommodation. We were not allowed to dine without having everybody present too, and we were to wash our own dishes and to fetch the pillow cases and bed sheets on our own. I had the feeling that this is all very familiar and I finally got it when I carried my luggage up the hill to the hall. The National Service! Oh no... To think that I bought Mr Al’s words, I was naive to do so. But that was only the beginning and my perception changed eventually... –to be continued-
“This is absolutely not some sort of National Service,” was what Mr Al told us before we went for the camp. I was truly relieved. I was apathetic with the whole idea, the activities..everything. I went for it without any much hesitation because I had nothing better to do except studying economics which I truly doubted I would do. When the day for the camp arrived, I was a bit excited because I saw all my friends rushing up and down the stairs, in and out of the house, even to and fro from OU, looking for stuffs we would be needing. One day before the camp, we had just finished our maths test so we went to OU to release our tension, to watch some movies and also to look for things for the camp. Our main aim of shopping was to buy some tracksuits, then go to the movies. Instead, we got ourselves diverted from the real objective so we had to go back shopping the next day.
The journey to our destination was a rough one, at least for me. I hate buses because I’ve had more than enough of them. I take the bus every time I go back to my hometown and it takes at least five hours to reach the place. Buses give bumpy rides so I feel sick each time I take it. Now, this one which I took for the camp, was worse. I’m not complaining here, just pouring out what I can’t at the time. This bus jumped while it wheeled down the road. I thought I could take it until...I realized I had one of the worst views I wouldn’t want to have in all my life. I don’t want to describe it...To make it even worse, when it came for the bus to climb up the hills on the way to the resort, it was literally crawling up and down those hills. I stayed very quietly not trying to make my nerves snapped till my little sister called. She complained because I didn’t tell her that I was going for some ‘days off’. ‘Why should I bother when I don’t even want to go?!’ The line was not clear so I had to press my ear closer to the phone and having my ear grilled. I was exasperated but I did nothing to show it because I did not want to upset my sister, by brain and my patience.
The first thing that I enjoyed at the camp was the truck ride up the hill to the very resort. It was thrilling than a roller coaster and I think theme parks should all have one. Along the way, I saw a weird-looking pool which I didn’t know what purpose it has being there. When we reached the resort, there was one more unusual pool which I later found out that it’s for people swimming. ‘what a weird thing to do to be wading in such a pool’ was the thought I had. It was ironic because I later enjoyed losing myself in the pool.
When all of us arrived, we were given a briefing about our meals, and accommodation. We were not allowed to dine without having everybody present too, and we were to wash our own dishes and to fetch the pillow cases and bed sheets on our own. I had the feeling that this is all very familiar and I finally got it when I carried my luggage up the hill to the hall. The National Service! Oh no... To think that I bought Mr Al’s words, I was naive to do so. But that was only the beginning and my perception changed eventually... –to be continued-
Friday, April 24, 2009
you've found me again.. HB!
Today’s my birthday... My feelings are unstable and irregular throughout this whole day. Last night, at 12am, I noticed that my housemates were gone for a while and I knew that they were up to no good. My friends always plot something to surprise a birthday person. Various kinds of plots had been hatched to really surprise the birthday girl off her feet. I was nervous and fretful rather than anxious thinking what was being plotted in order to get my heart stop for a while. I was relieved that they did nothing of the sort to me, instead, they gave me a big birthday kiss all wrapped up in a big red bow. I was a bit indifferent when I ‘opened’ the present. It was a small surprise and I think that everybody noticed that. I’m not sure if they felt guilty but please my friends, if you did, you seriously should not. You should know by now that sometimes my face fails to express my real emotions. Even though it’s not a huge birthday surprise, I loved it. I still do in fact.
It’s the thought that counts. It’s a cliché and it’s true. Just now, birthday songs were sung to me again and again. I was bashful every time they did. It’s not just that, my friends are closer to me today. They smiled lovingly every time we met in the eye. We had dinner together tonight, at Pizza Hut. It was very rare for all of us to go out together. Today, they did it just for me. While we were dining, we met lots of our other friends. We met those from the German class and also some from the Engineering class. I received several cute gifts and a huge meal today. I found out that I have a twin here-Gary! Anyway, nothing obviously extraordinary happened but maybe today is, in a way, very shadowy and unclear. That’s why I am so happy, cheery and warm inside now. If that’s not it, that what else then?
About my changing emotions today, let me sum them up. I was nervous last night, and deeply hoped that nothing weird is plotted for me. Early this morning I was tired and sleepy and a bit grumpy because I hadn’t enough sleep. I was exhilarated during Mr Derick’s class because today he was more than excessively funny, being frank and sarcastic at the same time. Physics class was ok. I am thankful that the test was alright. Before the Chemistry test, I was anxious and frightened because I was sure that the paper will be at least as terrible as before. I was unprepared and during the exam, I was literally stabbed, and impaled till I was dead twice. My mind went blank as if I had just been born. So, what do you guess? The space of my test paper was also been left blank, clean and clear, without the slightest daub, even I have poured countless thoughts all over the page. I was indifferent again after the test because it had gored me lifeless. Azreen was so sad and I was so sorry for her. Hehehe.... I bet you would laugh again if you see how I performed for the paper. Back to the student house, then I nearly cried after thinking a bit too much over it. I slept, exhausted by the coming tears that ain’t coming. I was dead after all. Then, I was awoken by benevolence who tried to summon back my strength. They feed vigour into my soul and I was feisty once again, enjoying what was lying in front of me. I didn’t care if I polluted other people’s tranquillity. What’s important was to make my friends smile by being me again.
It’s the thought that counts. It’s a cliché and it’s true. Just now, birthday songs were sung to me again and again. I was bashful every time they did. It’s not just that, my friends are closer to me today. They smiled lovingly every time we met in the eye. We had dinner together tonight, at Pizza Hut. It was very rare for all of us to go out together. Today, they did it just for me. While we were dining, we met lots of our other friends. We met those from the German class and also some from the Engineering class. I received several cute gifts and a huge meal today. I found out that I have a twin here-Gary! Anyway, nothing obviously extraordinary happened but maybe today is, in a way, very shadowy and unclear. That’s why I am so happy, cheery and warm inside now. If that’s not it, that what else then?
About my changing emotions today, let me sum them up. I was nervous last night, and deeply hoped that nothing weird is plotted for me. Early this morning I was tired and sleepy and a bit grumpy because I hadn’t enough sleep. I was exhilarated during Mr Derick’s class because today he was more than excessively funny, being frank and sarcastic at the same time. Physics class was ok. I am thankful that the test was alright. Before the Chemistry test, I was anxious and frightened because I was sure that the paper will be at least as terrible as before. I was unprepared and during the exam, I was literally stabbed, and impaled till I was dead twice. My mind went blank as if I had just been born. So, what do you guess? The space of my test paper was also been left blank, clean and clear, without the slightest daub, even I have poured countless thoughts all over the page. I was indifferent again after the test because it had gored me lifeless. Azreen was so sad and I was so sorry for her. Hehehe.... I bet you would laugh again if you see how I performed for the paper. Back to the student house, then I nearly cried after thinking a bit too much over it. I slept, exhausted by the coming tears that ain’t coming. I was dead after all. Then, I was awoken by benevolence who tried to summon back my strength. They feed vigour into my soul and I was feisty once again, enjoying what was lying in front of me. I didn’t care if I polluted other people’s tranquillity. What’s important was to make my friends smile by being me again.
Friday, April 17, 2009
English Crisis
Everyone has issues. That’s for sure. Even cats and dogs have their own, Mr Derick said. I’ve many cats at home and one of them named, Citch, bore 4 kittens. Her cousin, Orion which is my favourite cat hated her for it. Rion gets pissed-off everytime she sees Citch or her kittens. When Rion could stand no longer, she ran away. I was devastated and almost burst into tears when I heard the news because throughout of the history of my cats, not one of my favourite ones were found dead but they were gone, vanished into thin air. I lost Gremlin recently and now I’m losing Rion. After a couple of days, Rion returned because she was starving. She left again after filling her stomach. Rion is a loner. She never ventured far from the house and she never cared to look for a mate like her brother and her cousins. She has weak hind legs and has a smiley face. I’m sure if you look long enough into her face, you’ll notice she is actually smiling. This is true. She smiles! She always played with her impish brother and she loves her family. Now, she’s lonely and hurt. I seriously wish I could stay away with her for a while wherever that is. Rion, I’m always here...
I am always crusty in English classes. I thought learning English is not that hard compared to other subjects. I was totally wrong!!! Among my marks for the 5 subjects, I scored the worst for English. I thought speaking was easy because Mr Derick said it was and we should not be worrying over it. It was easy actually and thank God I got myself a not-so-make-me-stunned topic. The trouble was not the topic. It was me!! I don’t know what happened to me and I don’t know what language I was speaking. I traumatized myself for a while until I saw Mr Derick nodding again and again as his response to my answers. I was amazed! How could you make heads and tails out of my broken English, Mr Derick? I can’t even figure out what nonsense I was talking.
That was about speaking. Now is the essay. Any essay I’ve ever done this year. Often, I understand what the questions want. What always makes my essays so awful is my true understanding of the questions. Maybe my understanding is not so bad. It’s how I arrange the sentences into paragraphs and finally into a complete essay. It’s not that I forgot how to make a good composition, like what I learned from Mr Derick. It’s how I think. Everything is jumbled up in my mind. Planning always takes a long time and writing while thinking take a hundred times as long. The most recent one I did was the one which was the made-believe test, which all of us did each by ourselves, at home, while being honest to not exceed 1 1/2 hour. My supposed-to-be introduction was not one at all. I’ve got no thesis statement or whatsoever that are needed in a real essay. I didn’t even have a conclusion! I can’t make out heads, body or legs out of it myself. Let alone Tati who is going to be THE ONE to mark it. Oh, goshh.. I’m terribly sorry Tati!
Next.. is reading. Well, frankly speaking, I do not understand what the texts are saying!! I always waste a lot of time trying to get the picture or the idea. I always read the texts several times during tests and also in simple exercises. I would go to Nadira, begging for her help. I often ask her to rephrase everything so that the texts would finally make sense to me. She always helps me but it’s my obstinate brain that’s making it all so difficult. After an hour or so, then I am able to finally grasp it. There’s no such time in tests and exams. What am going to do? That particular problem always leads to a mountain of others. Answering the questions related to the texts. I would always scribble down all my nonsense thoughts and ideas which only I thought would do my paper good, when it comes to these. Nothing will ever do my paper much good if I keep on doing that.
Those were hardly real problems at all...
I am always crusty in English classes. I thought learning English is not that hard compared to other subjects. I was totally wrong!!! Among my marks for the 5 subjects, I scored the worst for English. I thought speaking was easy because Mr Derick said it was and we should not be worrying over it. It was easy actually and thank God I got myself a not-so-make-me-stunned topic. The trouble was not the topic. It was me!! I don’t know what happened to me and I don’t know what language I was speaking. I traumatized myself for a while until I saw Mr Derick nodding again and again as his response to my answers. I was amazed! How could you make heads and tails out of my broken English, Mr Derick? I can’t even figure out what nonsense I was talking.
That was about speaking. Now is the essay. Any essay I’ve ever done this year. Often, I understand what the questions want. What always makes my essays so awful is my true understanding of the questions. Maybe my understanding is not so bad. It’s how I arrange the sentences into paragraphs and finally into a complete essay. It’s not that I forgot how to make a good composition, like what I learned from Mr Derick. It’s how I think. Everything is jumbled up in my mind. Planning always takes a long time and writing while thinking take a hundred times as long. The most recent one I did was the one which was the made-believe test, which all of us did each by ourselves, at home, while being honest to not exceed 1 1/2 hour. My supposed-to-be introduction was not one at all. I’ve got no thesis statement or whatsoever that are needed in a real essay. I didn’t even have a conclusion! I can’t make out heads, body or legs out of it myself. Let alone Tati who is going to be THE ONE to mark it. Oh, goshh.. I’m terribly sorry Tati!
Next.. is reading. Well, frankly speaking, I do not understand what the texts are saying!! I always waste a lot of time trying to get the picture or the idea. I always read the texts several times during tests and also in simple exercises. I would go to Nadira, begging for her help. I often ask her to rephrase everything so that the texts would finally make sense to me. She always helps me but it’s my obstinate brain that’s making it all so difficult. After an hour or so, then I am able to finally grasp it. There’s no such time in tests and exams. What am going to do? That particular problem always leads to a mountain of others. Answering the questions related to the texts. I would always scribble down all my nonsense thoughts and ideas which only I thought would do my paper good, when it comes to these. Nothing will ever do my paper much good if I keep on doing that.
Those were hardly real problems at all...
Friday, April 10, 2009
hamsters, Kelly and ghost-teddy...
I have got many new family members this week. I am overjoyed and so are my sisters. One of my cats at home just gave birth to a litter of four kittens and my big sister’s hamster also just gave birth to another batch of hamster babies. Plus, she adopted a pair of another kind of hamster. This new pair of hamsters is very friendly. They don’t run away whenever the cage was opened. They wait for their treats when my sister pulled out some. They love to cling to the cage bars like monkeys. The old pair run away and hide every time my sister loses attention. They only come out of their hideout from somewhere in the room when they were hungry. They disappear one day and would appear again a couple of days later, sitting in the middle of the open space with their little grumbling stomachs.
I’ve heard of the name ‘Ned Kelly’ a lot of times before, since I was little. But I never knew what does it mean and I never cared. I shouldn’t right? Because it has nothing to do with me! Hahaha... Now I have to really know the fact behind the two words as I am now studying AUSMAT and I have to know about a bit of everything about Australia. I thought it was ridiculous to remember the entire event that ever occurred in the history of Australia. I might even forget who or what Ned Kelly is or was. Then when I finally discovered the truth behind the story of Ned Kelly, I felt very sorry for him. At first reading, I thought Ned Kelly was an inconsiderate convict. I only knew later that he was because many people thought so, not because he really was. I read some parts of the Jerilderie Letter and I had an extremely tough time trying to make sense of it. But what I know for sure is that, the letter was the truth and he was really miserable and hurt when he wrote that.
Then I found out that many films, plays and other forms of art were being created in appreciation of the legend. One of the latest movies that were produced is the one which Heath Ledger starred. He is one of my few favourite actors and I think I would enjoy the movie because he was able to make the Ned Kelly character more pitiful than ever. He was a great actor after all and that’s what actors do best – feeling the character. It is very remarkable to me that how brilliant actors play scenes and make them so, very realistic and that make us jump, cry or laugh every time they do.
When we were little, we believe in every made-up story from the grownups right? Of course fairy tales are exceptional because they were too good to be true, that even immature kids know they are all bluffs. When I was about five or six, and my sisters were either three years older or younger than me, my big sister told me about an old teddy-bear that sucked humans’ blood during the night. It was regular doll but with stitches on one side of the head. We had a teddy bear that she claimed looked like the killer teddy. It scared us every night. But now, I know for sure that is also a lie. One day last year, I heard the story again but this time it was from my friend from another state, far away from where we live. I thought my sister made it up!! Could it be that the story was well-known because it was once true?? Naaah..!!
Who knows...?
I’ve heard of the name ‘Ned Kelly’ a lot of times before, since I was little. But I never knew what does it mean and I never cared. I shouldn’t right? Because it has nothing to do with me! Hahaha... Now I have to really know the fact behind the two words as I am now studying AUSMAT and I have to know about a bit of everything about Australia. I thought it was ridiculous to remember the entire event that ever occurred in the history of Australia. I might even forget who or what Ned Kelly is or was. Then when I finally discovered the truth behind the story of Ned Kelly, I felt very sorry for him. At first reading, I thought Ned Kelly was an inconsiderate convict. I only knew later that he was because many people thought so, not because he really was. I read some parts of the Jerilderie Letter and I had an extremely tough time trying to make sense of it. But what I know for sure is that, the letter was the truth and he was really miserable and hurt when he wrote that.
Then I found out that many films, plays and other forms of art were being created in appreciation of the legend. One of the latest movies that were produced is the one which Heath Ledger starred. He is one of my few favourite actors and I think I would enjoy the movie because he was able to make the Ned Kelly character more pitiful than ever. He was a great actor after all and that’s what actors do best – feeling the character. It is very remarkable to me that how brilliant actors play scenes and make them so, very realistic and that make us jump, cry or laugh every time they do.
When we were little, we believe in every made-up story from the grownups right? Of course fairy tales are exceptional because they were too good to be true, that even immature kids know they are all bluffs. When I was about five or six, and my sisters were either three years older or younger than me, my big sister told me about an old teddy-bear that sucked humans’ blood during the night. It was regular doll but with stitches on one side of the head. We had a teddy bear that she claimed looked like the killer teddy. It scared us every night. But now, I know for sure that is also a lie. One day last year, I heard the story again but this time it was from my friend from another state, far away from where we live. I thought my sister made it up!! Could it be that the story was well-known because it was once true?? Naaah..!!
Who knows...?
Friday, April 3, 2009
academic? i don't think so.
Friday is a day when people in my class laugh their heads off. Friday morning is a typical rushing time when my housemates would tussle with each other trying to enter the bathroom first. No time for breakfast (except for Nad). Only nescafe and iced-lemon tea. During lessons, we learn and study while chuckling to ourselves, trying to bear with the lecturers’ jokes. Yes, Mr Derick. There’s someone else who loves to joke in the class. I think Mr Derick was excessively funny recently. Not only funny as in ‘hilarious’, but also ‘_ _ _’. ‘yes, you get the idea’. Ms Say was funny as in ‘side-splitting’. The ghost in Ms Say’s house sounded like, “gegegege...”. My friends didn’t think it was as funny as I did. In the afternoon on Friday, stomach aches are common. My stomach was being tortured by no food and lots of jokes.
One of my friends once asked me, “do you wear jewelleries?”. “Not much,” I said. “Not rings, not bangles”. I told her I only wear necklaces. I only realized then that all of my three necklaces, all are heart-shaped. Then I remembered that my mother had once asked me why I love the shape so much. “Do I really?”. She told me that I was fascinated with that since I was little. “Really? Oh, I didn’t realize.” Sometimes I wondered why. But still, I don’t know and I shouldn’t care too much.
Our last day with Ms Jesrina was our day of doom.... the doom of Economics. I never cared much about the subject before Ms Jesrina came to be our teacher. At first sight, she looked quite incompetent as she was still young. “I shouldn’t expect too much from a beginner. It’s ok. I’ll take whatever you give”. That was the thought I had. Afterwards, I had this thought-“you shouldn’t expect somebody to be not good! It’s not ok! You are not able to take even half of a quarter of everything she is giving you!” Every time I pretended to understand (because I had to sometimes), I was mentally crying. Thank God, my brain was crying less everyday because my heart was beginning to get to know Economics. Now, I am crying harder than ever.
My sister called me this morning. After chatting a bit about several things, she suddenly said, “Mia, I want to be a doctor.” I was surprised to hear this because none of my parents’ children wanted to be a doctor. We all hate it. Even our mom. My little sister was actually very furious about the treatment towards my unwell mother by some of the hospital staffs. It was the first time my mom got treatment from this hospital, in Penang. So, my sisters asked how to get my mom admitted. My mom was supposed to get automatic treatment there because the doctor back in the hospital in Alor Star had made an appointment and ‘booked a place’ at the Penang hospital. The nurses didn’t care much and one of them said, “Oh, we’re sorry. We have to follow the ‘first come first served’ rule”. I was shocked when I heard this. “WHAT??! This is a hospital. People come here because they don't want to die. Would you treat a dying person later because he only registered? What a crap.” Anyway, I really hope that my sister is still inspired in being a doctor one day and I hope she’ll work hard for it.
One more thing. We really had a good time during your classes, Mr Derick. Thanks for the stomach ache I had this morning.
One of my friends once asked me, “do you wear jewelleries?”. “Not much,” I said. “Not rings, not bangles”. I told her I only wear necklaces. I only realized then that all of my three necklaces, all are heart-shaped. Then I remembered that my mother had once asked me why I love the shape so much. “Do I really?”. She told me that I was fascinated with that since I was little. “Really? Oh, I didn’t realize.” Sometimes I wondered why. But still, I don’t know and I shouldn’t care too much.
Our last day with Ms Jesrina was our day of doom.... the doom of Economics. I never cared much about the subject before Ms Jesrina came to be our teacher. At first sight, she looked quite incompetent as she was still young. “I shouldn’t expect too much from a beginner. It’s ok. I’ll take whatever you give”. That was the thought I had. Afterwards, I had this thought-“you shouldn’t expect somebody to be not good! It’s not ok! You are not able to take even half of a quarter of everything she is giving you!” Every time I pretended to understand (because I had to sometimes), I was mentally crying. Thank God, my brain was crying less everyday because my heart was beginning to get to know Economics. Now, I am crying harder than ever.
My sister called me this morning. After chatting a bit about several things, she suddenly said, “Mia, I want to be a doctor.” I was surprised to hear this because none of my parents’ children wanted to be a doctor. We all hate it. Even our mom. My little sister was actually very furious about the treatment towards my unwell mother by some of the hospital staffs. It was the first time my mom got treatment from this hospital, in Penang. So, my sisters asked how to get my mom admitted. My mom was supposed to get automatic treatment there because the doctor back in the hospital in Alor Star had made an appointment and ‘booked a place’ at the Penang hospital. The nurses didn’t care much and one of them said, “Oh, we’re sorry. We have to follow the ‘first come first served’ rule”. I was shocked when I heard this. “WHAT??! This is a hospital. People come here because they don't want to die. Would you treat a dying person later because he only registered? What a crap.” Anyway, I really hope that my sister is still inspired in being a doctor one day and I hope she’ll work hard for it.
One more thing. We really had a good time during your classes, Mr Derick. Thanks for the stomach ache I had this morning.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
nothing really...
Something is happening at my home now and I know I need to go home immediately. The last time I called my little sister, she was lonely and scared. Why, by the time I came back here, things started to go terribly wrong? I would fly all the way home if I had wings. That’s what people always wished for when they just had to be elsewhere. I just decided to go home when my mom told me not to, because things are ‘all okay’ already. To believe her this time would not be a very wise thing to do and the best thing to do was just to pretend you do because you just had to obey. Both of them are practically the same thing actually. I was agitated till my little sister called me again and said everything is truly quite okay now. I calmed down a bit more when I learnt that my big sister will be going home this weekend. There are still a lot others who are willing to help the problem at home and I really thank God for it.
I knew for a fact that some words are originally from the Greek myths, but I don’t know that those words don’t just mean a noun or a verb, but an event. For example the word, “tantalize”, and “narcissism”. I am very interested and curious about the tales. So I did a small research on it and read the story on the Wikipedia. Oh, my God!!! Look at all those names! Names of people, gods, creatures and godly stuff. I actually found myself a headache. But anyway, any information is always good enough for my entertainment. The problem is, I am a person who gets weary easily when I have too much too see.
I never thought that performing chemical experiments in the laboratory can be much of a danger. I am used to carrying out simple experiments during my secondary school and that you don’t have to be cautious excessively. Nothing ever goes wrong and it never will, presumably. When I first did my chemical experiment here, for my Year 12, I still didn’t take things for granted. I read the warnings about hazardous chemicals thoroughly but the rest I did it superficially. That was when my all my experiments started to go awry and ablaze. I still had the scar due to the flame, till now. After that, I learnt my lesson and read every warning and instruction in the manual at least three times.
I went to Pulau Langkawi a couple of years ago, and my family and I took a ride in the cable car. At first I thought that it would be really stupid of someone if he/she declined to take the ride. If you are scared of heights anyway, you shouldn’t blow up the chance of trying it after all the way here. I stepped into the gondola without the slightest thought or worry. I enjoyed the view when the thing started to go up. Then, when I realized, “Oh, this journey to the top is going to be a long one”. It’s not only long actually, but a scary one too. 100% of everything in the gondolas would be finished off in no time if the cables snapped. This is after all one of the steepest cable car in the world. “God!!! I am actually creating the chance of my own death!!” I’m petrified of it and now one of the fools who would refuse the ride.
I knew for a fact that some words are originally from the Greek myths, but I don’t know that those words don’t just mean a noun or a verb, but an event. For example the word, “tantalize”, and “narcissism”. I am very interested and curious about the tales. So I did a small research on it and read the story on the Wikipedia. Oh, my God!!! Look at all those names! Names of people, gods, creatures and godly stuff. I actually found myself a headache. But anyway, any information is always good enough for my entertainment. The problem is, I am a person who gets weary easily when I have too much too see.
I never thought that performing chemical experiments in the laboratory can be much of a danger. I am used to carrying out simple experiments during my secondary school and that you don’t have to be cautious excessively. Nothing ever goes wrong and it never will, presumably. When I first did my chemical experiment here, for my Year 12, I still didn’t take things for granted. I read the warnings about hazardous chemicals thoroughly but the rest I did it superficially. That was when my all my experiments started to go awry and ablaze. I still had the scar due to the flame, till now. After that, I learnt my lesson and read every warning and instruction in the manual at least three times.
I went to Pulau Langkawi a couple of years ago, and my family and I took a ride in the cable car. At first I thought that it would be really stupid of someone if he/she declined to take the ride. If you are scared of heights anyway, you shouldn’t blow up the chance of trying it after all the way here. I stepped into the gondola without the slightest thought or worry. I enjoyed the view when the thing started to go up. Then, when I realized, “Oh, this journey to the top is going to be a long one”. It’s not only long actually, but a scary one too. 100% of everything in the gondolas would be finished off in no time if the cables snapped. This is after all one of the steepest cable car in the world. “God!!! I am actually creating the chance of my own death!!” I’m petrified of it and now one of the fools who would refuse the ride.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
down, down..
This week is quite relaxing and so was the last. I managed to enjoy what I studied and to sleep peacefully. I watched a lot of anime and I also did my homework. I thought this is what I have been waiting for so long - a good relaxing time. But it actually is not. I want something I can’t have right now or any other time in the world. Being difficult in wanting impossible stuff really breaks my heart. Then I would pour everything to my darling little sister who is the only one I can force to listen to my wailings. I would say, “I’m having a heart attack. A heart attack. Please.. save me.” “huh??”, she would always respond. If she continues in saying “huh?” then I would scream into the phone under a pillow so that nobody in the room I am in, would get distracted. I am so sorry, but would you want to see what will become of me in the end if you ignore me constantly, sis?
I wished for something really badly, some weeks ago. I was overjoyed when my prayers came true. Although it was not a promise, there was hope for the initially-impossible event. I am still hoping for it to come true. While this wish is slowly coming true and comforting me in the process, I am wishing for something else. I am spoiling myself that I would cry my heart out wanting for it so badly. Just that this time, I don’t know what is it that I want exactly. Humans are always greedy and I am no different.
I am very weak in understanding poetic things although sometimes I am being one myself. English classes are always hard for me. Especially lately. I am so sorry that I was always irresponsive in discussions about literature. I actually don’t really get what they were saying in those figurative or literal texts. Leave alone the questions given by Mr Derick. I am always wondering stupidly in the blank empty mind of mine. Of course I want to be able to answer questions but how can I when I don’t even understand what I read in the first place? My brain is often jammed in English classes. Things happen even when you don’t want it to. Maybe I don’t try harder yet, is it?
It’s true that the things which you dislike are (often) actually good for you and the things which you like are (often) actually bad for you. There are loads of things which you can take examples of in your own daily life. I have mine obviously. I have written a lot about the impossible things I have been wishing for in many of my last posts. One question – how do you get over it?
I think I am a person whose actions are easily influenced by her moods. Take this post for instance. This is the fifth paragraph and still I am talking the same thing basically. Sometimes I feel like to pretend to be lost consciousness and to lose my senses so that I can go crazy in myself for a while. I did this sort of thing when I was in secondary school but it was just for fun. Nothing serious. I was extremely sleepy in class that I would have myself excused to the ‘sick bay’ with the excuse of being ‘sick’, so that I could have a short nap. It’s not a good thing to do but I think it’s better than to force yourself to study through the headache you’ll be getting as the result of extreme lack of sleep. I wish I could just do what my heart wants but it’s better for the world for having me not to. It’s just too destructive.
I wished for something really badly, some weeks ago. I was overjoyed when my prayers came true. Although it was not a promise, there was hope for the initially-impossible event. I am still hoping for it to come true. While this wish is slowly coming true and comforting me in the process, I am wishing for something else. I am spoiling myself that I would cry my heart out wanting for it so badly. Just that this time, I don’t know what is it that I want exactly. Humans are always greedy and I am no different.
I am very weak in understanding poetic things although sometimes I am being one myself. English classes are always hard for me. Especially lately. I am so sorry that I was always irresponsive in discussions about literature. I actually don’t really get what they were saying in those figurative or literal texts. Leave alone the questions given by Mr Derick. I am always wondering stupidly in the blank empty mind of mine. Of course I want to be able to answer questions but how can I when I don’t even understand what I read in the first place? My brain is often jammed in English classes. Things happen even when you don’t want it to. Maybe I don’t try harder yet, is it?
It’s true that the things which you dislike are (often) actually good for you and the things which you like are (often) actually bad for you. There are loads of things which you can take examples of in your own daily life. I have mine obviously. I have written a lot about the impossible things I have been wishing for in many of my last posts. One question – how do you get over it?
I think I am a person whose actions are easily influenced by her moods. Take this post for instance. This is the fifth paragraph and still I am talking the same thing basically. Sometimes I feel like to pretend to be lost consciousness and to lose my senses so that I can go crazy in myself for a while. I did this sort of thing when I was in secondary school but it was just for fun. Nothing serious. I was extremely sleepy in class that I would have myself excused to the ‘sick bay’ with the excuse of being ‘sick’, so that I could have a short nap. It’s not a good thing to do but I think it’s better than to force yourself to study through the headache you’ll be getting as the result of extreme lack of sleep. I wish I could just do what my heart wants but it’s better for the world for having me not to. It’s just too destructive.
rainy day
It was a damp morning last Friday. It was raining a bit heavier than a drizzle. The clouds were grey and heavy and they looked like they were reluctant to pour out all the things they were supposed to. The wind was blowing cold. Even the inside of the car felt cold from the air-conditioner. I was rushing like usual and these little rushes always make me sweat as if I have been running all morning. I had the thought that I smelt funny due to the damp from the outside rain and the damp of the sweat inside my shirt. I was a bit out of breath waiting for the slow elevator to fetch me up, when I saw Mr Derick. I said something which I hadn’t thought of the meaning, to him. Then he said, “No. It’s not a very good morning is it?” I thought I was the only one who was feeling all damp and yucky all the way to class, till I realized each of every single soul around me was feeling the same thing. And so, the morning class was so damp that my body and mind went dawdling all through the morning classes.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Last Monday, we had our Chemistry Exam. It was terrible. At first, I was quite eager to do it because I thought I am able to answer it quite well. But now, I regret that. I am almost 100% sure that my marks will not be at all enough. Maybe I lacked exercises. There was just enough time to complete the paper, not including checking it. I had half a minute left when I spotted a major error in my calculations. Oh, my GOD!!!! Half a minute is never enough to correct that kind of mistake. What is worse was that, the error occurred at the beginning of the calculations, so I don’t doubt that the steps following the wrong part are all WRONG. At the end of the paper, I was speculating the marks I will be getting for the paper. Thinking about that made me sick all of a sudden. I hope it is not too bad..
Last Friday, we had our Physics class. We were learning the new chapter about magnetic flux. Ms Say tried to make us recall what had we learnt about the chapter from Mr Chee last year. None of us made much response. Ms Say was really worried that the bridging programme we did would be a waste. I don’t know about the others but as I was the lowest achiever last year, I don’t understand much about whatever I was learning. I only kept quiet and only attempted to answer a bit in my heart. This year, I think I am making some differences and I hope I would be making miracles throughout this year so that I could make it through this course successfully.
In my hometown, there are lots and lots of trees on both sides of the road. This might be a typical view in Malaysia but something is different here at my place. Hundreds of flowers bloom on each tree once or twice a year here. The flowers are either white, purple, pink or any combination colours of the three. They are blooming right now, on the tall trees along Jalan Langgar. I’m not sure if other places also have this specialty but I have never seen any more intense flower season in any other place in Malaysia than what it is here. The sight is so spectacular that it reminded me of the cherry blossoms in Japan.
My friends and I are so relieved right now because we have finished our exams and our oral tests. The last two weeks had been a rough time. Although we still have more tests ahead of us, we still feel like it is an independence day for us and we couldn’t explain that feeling. I grabbed this chance of celebration feeling to go home, while my friends had a picnic in a garden near the One Utama complex. I wish I could join them but I longed for home more than anything else.
One Saturday night, my sister and I were rushing for our music practice. My mom cooked some fried rice with eggs and hotdogs, a typical recipe of hers. She cooked a whole large wok of it so, I insisted on not having any yet as there’ll be plenty left when I get back soon. When she persuaded me to have some before I go, I just obeyed. We took some on the way there, in the car. When the practise was over, I was so into mom’s fried rice. Suddenly, we discovered that the wok was almost empty. Very little of the rice was left and the hotdogs were all gone. My mom then figured out it must be the cats’ doing. I cried out so loud because my dinner was gone, that my mom consoled me by giving me a whole new tin of Danish butter cookies. I then scolded my big sister for not covering the wok after she had taken her part of the dinner.
Last Friday, we had our Physics class. We were learning the new chapter about magnetic flux. Ms Say tried to make us recall what had we learnt about the chapter from Mr Chee last year. None of us made much response. Ms Say was really worried that the bridging programme we did would be a waste. I don’t know about the others but as I was the lowest achiever last year, I don’t understand much about whatever I was learning. I only kept quiet and only attempted to answer a bit in my heart. This year, I think I am making some differences and I hope I would be making miracles throughout this year so that I could make it through this course successfully.
In my hometown, there are lots and lots of trees on both sides of the road. This might be a typical view in Malaysia but something is different here at my place. Hundreds of flowers bloom on each tree once or twice a year here. The flowers are either white, purple, pink or any combination colours of the three. They are blooming right now, on the tall trees along Jalan Langgar. I’m not sure if other places also have this specialty but I have never seen any more intense flower season in any other place in Malaysia than what it is here. The sight is so spectacular that it reminded me of the cherry blossoms in Japan.
My friends and I are so relieved right now because we have finished our exams and our oral tests. The last two weeks had been a rough time. Although we still have more tests ahead of us, we still feel like it is an independence day for us and we couldn’t explain that feeling. I grabbed this chance of celebration feeling to go home, while my friends had a picnic in a garden near the One Utama complex. I wish I could join them but I longed for home more than anything else.
One Saturday night, my sister and I were rushing for our music practice. My mom cooked some fried rice with eggs and hotdogs, a typical recipe of hers. She cooked a whole large wok of it so, I insisted on not having any yet as there’ll be plenty left when I get back soon. When she persuaded me to have some before I go, I just obeyed. We took some on the way there, in the car. When the practise was over, I was so into mom’s fried rice. Suddenly, we discovered that the wok was almost empty. Very little of the rice was left and the hotdogs were all gone. My mom then figured out it must be the cats’ doing. I cried out so loud because my dinner was gone, that my mom consoled me by giving me a whole new tin of Danish butter cookies. I then scolded my big sister for not covering the wok after she had taken her part of the dinner.
Friday, February 27, 2009
cats & chicken
Last Thursday morning, my friends and I went for shopping at Ikea. There was a sale there and the price after the offer was quite alright. My sister was puzzled over what I might be buying at the Ikea sale. Well, nothing much really. Among other things, I bought two soft toys, a hamster for my big sister and long green snake for my little sister. After shopping, T-rah bought half a dozen curry puffs for us all. Each of us had one, leaving some for those at home. When I thought one each was not enough, I bought a dozen myself. I had five for myself and the rest I gave it to my friends. I was full and thought that I had enough but when I saw my friends bought themselves some ice-creams, I want one too. I’ve spent a great deal of money that day but thinking that a day like this is rare, I thought I shouldn’t mind. A rare day that I meant is not a day when you turned shopaholic; it’s a day when you are happy. I was skipping to college, feeling great but when I got home after the class was over, I had a painful headache. I don’t know what I did or what terrible things I ate, but then I thought that this day is not so special after all.
During our English class, there was a discussion on the documentary, ‘Bowling For Columbine’. The one-question-one-person section then turned into a group quiz when Mr. Derick took pity on an unlucky person. The quiz was a fight. I was brainstorming for any possible answers in order to win the game. Maybe that was when I developed my headache. I thought my group can easily win the game because we had Calvin, Ginger, Nick, Su and others. It was a rather tough fight actually, although in the end, we won by far. The other group had Nad, Nana, Song and others who was quietly fighting.
When I was doing my National Service early last year, we did an activity called the ‘Water Confidence’. My close friend was not very fond of water but I begged her to try it. Wading in the water is not difficult but the life jackets we’re wearing were not practical, so we were struggling to stay afloat and not get drowned. I was eager to get into the water because I used to swim a lot but I still had a very hard time with my life jacket. When all of us were in the water, we spread out to different directions. Some went elsewhere themselves while some just let the water floated them to any part of the lake. When my friend was tired struggling in the water, she couldn’t control how her body bobbed about in the water. Eventually, her face went underwater. All of us couldn’t reach to help her so we shouted at the teacher for help who told her not to move while he was on his way to rescue her. It was a tense moment because I was extremely sure that she would be running out of air very soon. When I realized this, I quickly made my way towards her and when I reached her, I quickly turned her body so that she could breathe. She immediately gasped for air when she could. Seconds later, only then did the teacher reached her and pulled her to safety. I was really scared because my other close friend almost drowned during a jamboree when I was 16.
There was one time when my mother’s school staffs were holding a small party at the KFC. Buckets and buckets of fried chicken were bought for the celebration. My sisters and I accompanied my mother to the party, so we also get the chance to stuff ourselves with food. When the party was almost over, there were some extra chickens in the buckets. Many were asking for some more chickens while the four of us kept silent because we were actually waiting for something else. When we thought that everyone might have finished their meal, we went to the counter to ask for several big plastic bags. Then my sisters and I went from table to table to collect chicken bones. It was really peculiar and I think someone was disgusted. But anyway, we did kindly ask before we collect them. STOP! Don’t imagine us gobbling down the bones when we got home! Yucks.. They were for our 12 cats which were starving for some KFC too.
During our English class, there was a discussion on the documentary, ‘Bowling For Columbine’. The one-question-one-person section then turned into a group quiz when Mr. Derick took pity on an unlucky person. The quiz was a fight. I was brainstorming for any possible answers in order to win the game. Maybe that was when I developed my headache. I thought my group can easily win the game because we had Calvin, Ginger, Nick, Su and others. It was a rather tough fight actually, although in the end, we won by far. The other group had Nad, Nana, Song and others who was quietly fighting.
When I was doing my National Service early last year, we did an activity called the ‘Water Confidence’. My close friend was not very fond of water but I begged her to try it. Wading in the water is not difficult but the life jackets we’re wearing were not practical, so we were struggling to stay afloat and not get drowned. I was eager to get into the water because I used to swim a lot but I still had a very hard time with my life jacket. When all of us were in the water, we spread out to different directions. Some went elsewhere themselves while some just let the water floated them to any part of the lake. When my friend was tired struggling in the water, she couldn’t control how her body bobbed about in the water. Eventually, her face went underwater. All of us couldn’t reach to help her so we shouted at the teacher for help who told her not to move while he was on his way to rescue her. It was a tense moment because I was extremely sure that she would be running out of air very soon. When I realized this, I quickly made my way towards her and when I reached her, I quickly turned her body so that she could breathe. She immediately gasped for air when she could. Seconds later, only then did the teacher reached her and pulled her to safety. I was really scared because my other close friend almost drowned during a jamboree when I was 16.
There was one time when my mother’s school staffs were holding a small party at the KFC. Buckets and buckets of fried chicken were bought for the celebration. My sisters and I accompanied my mother to the party, so we also get the chance to stuff ourselves with food. When the party was almost over, there were some extra chickens in the buckets. Many were asking for some more chickens while the four of us kept silent because we were actually waiting for something else. When we thought that everyone might have finished their meal, we went to the counter to ask for several big plastic bags. Then my sisters and I went from table to table to collect chicken bones. It was really peculiar and I think someone was disgusted. But anyway, we did kindly ask before we collect them. STOP! Don’t imagine us gobbling down the bones when we got home! Yucks.. They were for our 12 cats which were starving for some KFC too.
Friday, February 20, 2009
feelings pour
Some days ago, I was feeling tense with all the work I’m occupied with. I was quite down when I heard a shriek of a paranoid young lady. I’ll call her N.A. The shriek got louder when she ran into my room begging for help. No one in my room took much notice of her because it was just a cockroach. She went back into her room and seconds later, back into my room. This time, I helped her. “It is so big! As if it has lived for five years!” I was determined to see what my rival is made of. I was astonished that the five-year old insect is only 1.5cm long, when I thought it should be at least 4cm. I am still puzzled of how N.A judged the insect to be an adult cockroach when the real one has not even developed wings! Anyway, if any of you, readers are wondering, I did take a look at my ruler before I wrote this.
Many of my classmates are not really satisfied that most of our classes are in the afternoon. I have not much comment on that because it is quite convenient for me as I wake up quite late in the morning lately. I think it is because I always stay up late at night. Last Sunday, I woke up to see it was already 1.15pm. So, to avoid that during weekdays, I tried to go to bed a bit earlier at least. Going to bed does not mean sleep. What I mean is that I pretend to be sleeping and I only did fall asleep when it was near 3am. Maybe this problem is due to the Nescafe I had around 4pm every day. Maybe the fact that nothing has much biological effect on my body is true. The caffeine only has it effect on me hours later. P/s: I did not look at my watch to write this.
My classmates and I learned about the harmonics in Physics and students were to take examples of application of harmonics in some musical instruments. After I learnt this, then I know that harmonics are special. The harmonics on a violin are also special. I don’t know whether the two harmonics here are the same or not but both are different in their respective cases. Like a guitar, to produce different pitch of sound on the violin, fingers have to be placed firmly on different positions on the strings before you stroke the strings. But if you want to play the harmonic sounds on a violin, you don’t need to press onto the strings firmly but just touch gently the spot on the strings. I had wondered why before but I never knew and after long, I just let the facts be. Now, I’m confusing myself when I tried to relate the harmonics in physics with those on the violin.
I used to take music lessons a couple of years ago. I was quite disappointed that I started to play music when I was 15. My little sister is also playing the violin but she was not as old as I was when she started. I’m not very good in it but I really want to be. At first, I practiced for hours every day and when I realized I was overdoing it a bit, I gradually decrease the time I allocated for practicing. Eventually, my sister and I only practiced on weekends. My big sister plays the electone and she loves to play it to the loudest possible volume that the music can be heard over a couple of blocks in the neighbourhood. If she didn’t stop learning, I bet she would have been a professional player by now. I am so sad that she did even that she had to. What is sadder is that I am worse than she is. I only passed Grade 3 when I was 17 and I only learn my fourth till June of 2008. Now I have completely stop learning. There’s no doubt about me being jealous of my little sister because she has surpassed me! She can’t find a reason why she had to take the Grade 5 exam so she didn’t. I was shocked to hear this because I would do almost anything to take it. Exam fees? I don’t mind spending a few hundred for it when I have spent thousands. It’s not that I was rich or I was not fond in money. It’s just one way to get something you love more.
My family kept cats since I was very little. When the cats died, we just dispose the dead cats the easy way because there were too many of them. This is the only way me and my sisters got rid of dead cats till one time. We have a very terrible and extremely evil neighbour back in Alor Star. One of my favourite cats died on the road between my house and my neighbour’s. I can tell very well that something had run over him. I am almost 100% sure that the evil neighbour ran over him. My family never complained much about all the horrible things they did. I can only curse from afar. When I found my dead cat, I was hurt and angry instead of being really sad. I carried the heavy stinking body on a hoe to the backyard. Determined, I dug a hole deep enough for a dead cat even though the ground was very hard and difficult to be penetrated. I was the first in my family to bury any dead cats. At that time, I was hurt so much that I dug and dug without stopping till the hole got deep. Sweats dripped heavily that they trickled non-stop to the ground. Cats might be common creatures that people always see everywhere but they have made a lot of memories in my family’s life. I was compelled to write this because the event still hurts me. From that day on, I made sure that all of our dead cats be buried the proper way. Now, my backyard is a cemetery.
Many of my classmates are not really satisfied that most of our classes are in the afternoon. I have not much comment on that because it is quite convenient for me as I wake up quite late in the morning lately. I think it is because I always stay up late at night. Last Sunday, I woke up to see it was already 1.15pm. So, to avoid that during weekdays, I tried to go to bed a bit earlier at least. Going to bed does not mean sleep. What I mean is that I pretend to be sleeping and I only did fall asleep when it was near 3am. Maybe this problem is due to the Nescafe I had around 4pm every day. Maybe the fact that nothing has much biological effect on my body is true. The caffeine only has it effect on me hours later. P/s: I did not look at my watch to write this.
My classmates and I learned about the harmonics in Physics and students were to take examples of application of harmonics in some musical instruments. After I learnt this, then I know that harmonics are special. The harmonics on a violin are also special. I don’t know whether the two harmonics here are the same or not but both are different in their respective cases. Like a guitar, to produce different pitch of sound on the violin, fingers have to be placed firmly on different positions on the strings before you stroke the strings. But if you want to play the harmonic sounds on a violin, you don’t need to press onto the strings firmly but just touch gently the spot on the strings. I had wondered why before but I never knew and after long, I just let the facts be. Now, I’m confusing myself when I tried to relate the harmonics in physics with those on the violin.
I used to take music lessons a couple of years ago. I was quite disappointed that I started to play music when I was 15. My little sister is also playing the violin but she was not as old as I was when she started. I’m not very good in it but I really want to be. At first, I practiced for hours every day and when I realized I was overdoing it a bit, I gradually decrease the time I allocated for practicing. Eventually, my sister and I only practiced on weekends. My big sister plays the electone and she loves to play it to the loudest possible volume that the music can be heard over a couple of blocks in the neighbourhood. If she didn’t stop learning, I bet she would have been a professional player by now. I am so sad that she did even that she had to. What is sadder is that I am worse than she is. I only passed Grade 3 when I was 17 and I only learn my fourth till June of 2008. Now I have completely stop learning. There’s no doubt about me being jealous of my little sister because she has surpassed me! She can’t find a reason why she had to take the Grade 5 exam so she didn’t. I was shocked to hear this because I would do almost anything to take it. Exam fees? I don’t mind spending a few hundred for it when I have spent thousands. It’s not that I was rich or I was not fond in money. It’s just one way to get something you love more.
My family kept cats since I was very little. When the cats died, we just dispose the dead cats the easy way because there were too many of them. This is the only way me and my sisters got rid of dead cats till one time. We have a very terrible and extremely evil neighbour back in Alor Star. One of my favourite cats died on the road between my house and my neighbour’s. I can tell very well that something had run over him. I am almost 100% sure that the evil neighbour ran over him. My family never complained much about all the horrible things they did. I can only curse from afar. When I found my dead cat, I was hurt and angry instead of being really sad. I carried the heavy stinking body on a hoe to the backyard. Determined, I dug a hole deep enough for a dead cat even though the ground was very hard and difficult to be penetrated. I was the first in my family to bury any dead cats. At that time, I was hurt so much that I dug and dug without stopping till the hole got deep. Sweats dripped heavily that they trickled non-stop to the ground. Cats might be common creatures that people always see everywhere but they have made a lot of memories in my family’s life. I was compelled to write this because the event still hurts me. From that day on, I made sure that all of our dead cats be buried the proper way. Now, my backyard is a cemetery.
Friday, February 13, 2009
things on TV
This week, my classmates and I had a lot of replaced lessons. So, I am quite exhausted this week, in addition to my light fever. Tati had her fever just before me so I think the fever I’m having now is from her. Thank God I’m not as ill as Tati was. I have lots and lots of homework and studying to do. I really hope that I am able to complete this course successfully so that all my efforts won’t go to waste. What I’m hoping more now is the strength and the diligence to get through this challenge. If I do get to fly to Australia, besides my family, I would be worrying how hot it is there. Australia is one of the hottest places on Earth. There are news about people dying there. In the movie ‘The Japanese Story’, Sandy even said, “People die out here. Often.” But as I recalled how people who had been overseas including Australia, told me their remarkable story when they were there, I was back in inspiration to get going.
My documentary teammates and I had just finished our documentary trailer a couple of days ago. T-rah did most of the work as only she knows how to use the Window’s Movie Maker and the Ulead. We had fun shooting because we discovered something we never noticed before. We met a guy who wore checked-shirt, loose pants, funny colourful shoes and a plastic flower head at the left shirt pocket. He had a fussy hair makeover and also wore black circular, hollow earrings. Many thought he looked funny but he made himself happy though and thanks to him, our documentary had some interesting things inside. T-rah only asked him a few questions and I wondered why she was in such a hurry. Then I discovered that she was actually scared of the black earrings he was wearing.
Talk about weird earrings, there are also those who wear heavy earrings that eventually, the lower part of their ear flaps loosen past their shoulders. Natives. At the age of around 12, they make holes in the lower part of the flaps and hang earrings of masses not less than 1kg. Gradually, they use heavier earrings so that their ear would drop loose even more. Some natives wear rings around their neck and gradually, they use more rings to extend their necks. Some make holes in their lower lips to be put clay plates inside. They too use wider plates to gradually wider the holes in their lips. All three cases are because of beauty. Definitions of beauty are different for each group of community.
I know lots of weird things happening in the world through the TV. I love to watch discoveries and documentaries. When I was around ten, my mother and I stayed up late and saw a very interesting discovery about birds. It was about how different kinds of birds try to attract their love mates. We only caught the last part of the program so, we don’t know much about the fact. In the last part of the program, all of the attracting acts were compiled and showed in only a short period of time so, everything was in a fast-forward motion. Some female birds choose their mates by looking at the ‘houses’ built by the males. Male red-breasted robins show off their red chests to the females in a strutting pose. Some male birds jump high up in the air to attract mates.
I also love watching discoveries about lost cities. Do you know that many of today’s cities were built on a higher level than the ancient cities? In Rome, there are some obvious evidences about the fact. A modern town was built near an ancient ruin which is not less than five meters below the town level. In Paris, there is an ancient passageway below the Eiffel Tower. While many human beings nowadays live closer to the sky, some live in the ground.
My documentary teammates and I had just finished our documentary trailer a couple of days ago. T-rah did most of the work as only she knows how to use the Window’s Movie Maker and the Ulead. We had fun shooting because we discovered something we never noticed before. We met a guy who wore checked-shirt, loose pants, funny colourful shoes and a plastic flower head at the left shirt pocket. He had a fussy hair makeover and also wore black circular, hollow earrings. Many thought he looked funny but he made himself happy though and thanks to him, our documentary had some interesting things inside. T-rah only asked him a few questions and I wondered why she was in such a hurry. Then I discovered that she was actually scared of the black earrings he was wearing.
Talk about weird earrings, there are also those who wear heavy earrings that eventually, the lower part of their ear flaps loosen past their shoulders. Natives. At the age of around 12, they make holes in the lower part of the flaps and hang earrings of masses not less than 1kg. Gradually, they use heavier earrings so that their ear would drop loose even more. Some natives wear rings around their neck and gradually, they use more rings to extend their necks. Some make holes in their lower lips to be put clay plates inside. They too use wider plates to gradually wider the holes in their lips. All three cases are because of beauty. Definitions of beauty are different for each group of community.
I know lots of weird things happening in the world through the TV. I love to watch discoveries and documentaries. When I was around ten, my mother and I stayed up late and saw a very interesting discovery about birds. It was about how different kinds of birds try to attract their love mates. We only caught the last part of the program so, we don’t know much about the fact. In the last part of the program, all of the attracting acts were compiled and showed in only a short period of time so, everything was in a fast-forward motion. Some female birds choose their mates by looking at the ‘houses’ built by the males. Male red-breasted robins show off their red chests to the females in a strutting pose. Some male birds jump high up in the air to attract mates.
I also love watching discoveries about lost cities. Do you know that many of today’s cities were built on a higher level than the ancient cities? In Rome, there are some obvious evidences about the fact. A modern town was built near an ancient ruin which is not less than five meters below the town level. In Paris, there is an ancient passageway below the Eiffel Tower. While many human beings nowadays live closer to the sky, some live in the ground.
Friday, February 6, 2009
variety of tales
Just now, Tati, T-rah, Ainin and I went to One Utama to shoot some interviews with the people for our documentary. We chose the topic ‘Generation Gap’ and we chose the issue on fashion to show the generation gap that is happening within our society. I have no experience in interviewing people, and so, I wasn’t really keen on the documentary idea because I am not good in doing something new, especially when it comes to talking to people. Everyone (except me) was very excited that they had headaches when the shooting was over. First, we interviewed a boy, who was wearing punk-style clothes. I was really hoping we could get some exciting information but the boy was very ignorant in issues, even issues regarding what he does best (from what I can see), ..wearing something. We, the aspiring ones, eagerly asked ‘bombastic-seemed’, but understandable and indirectly easy questions to the boy. But when it came his turn to answer the questions, he only answered one word for each question. I wasn’t surprised about his reactions because he clearly wanted to get back to his bowling game.
Early this week, I googled some information on the ‘Half Man, Half Tree’ story on the Discovery website. Have you heard about the it? It is shocking really and I was stunned when I first caught a glimpse of it on the TV. I was curious but I never dared to make some research on it. For two nights I had nightmares about the story. At first, I thought the event is occurring somewhere in South America but when I dreamt that it actually is occurring in a place somewhere near me, I was even more frightened. Later, I found out that the event is actually happening in Indonesia. “Phew, that was close. He won’t come after me if he runs amok.” Anyway, if any of you out there never heard of the story, it would be interesting to know something like that. There is only one man like that on Earth! I really pity him though.
My best friend bought me a key-chain once, which had some details about people who were born on the same date as I was. I still remember some of them. One says, ‘you value the talents of others.’ This is very much true indeed. Wow, I’m impressed. Another one says, ‘you dislike changes.’ Well, it depends whether they’re good or bad. The truth is, I am now slowly realizing that the second quote is actually true. Generally, things in my life are becoming better. So, of course I like the changes. One of the good things is, staying away from your family, and having the opportunity to study because you are not distracted. Now, that is one good change I hate.
I am actually running out of ideas of what I should write in my blog. So, I was tossing and turning on my bed trying to squeeze something out of my brain. Nadira saw me and she said, “Why don’t you write something you enjoy doing or like? Like drawing, or cats?” I don’t think talking about drawing would be interesting because I find that most of my friends here in KBU are very good in arts. Maybe they know more about drawing and stuff. I’m not very good in expressing myself even when I’m talking about my hobby. My friends know that I like to babble and most of the things I was trying to express to them, cannot be well understood. Oh, now I realize something. I am like Waris Dirie. I saw the interview of her about her life and I pitied her for not be able to put her ideas into words. I can see that she was struggling to get some words out of her mouth and arrange them so that others who are listening might be able to feel her feelings. But fear not Waris. I got what you’re trying to say. I am just like you!
I’ll tell a bit of something about my cats. I started to keep a cat when I was five. Before that, my family kept rabbits. Lots of them! They said the bunnies were let out into the garden and all the way to the front porch. They were hopping and scuttling across every patch of ground of our house. But sadly, one night, a couple of big dogs came barging into our yard and killed and ate all of the cute bunnies. None was spared.. Anyway, about my cats, there was once when all of our cats were black. The mommy and the daddy cat were both black, so all of their offsprings were black. The family consisted of seven members and it was quite scary to keep so many witches’ cats in your house at a time. My grandmother was not very fond of cats because she hated all the loosed furs and their poo. When she saw our black cats, instead of whining, she giggled and said, “Ei! They really scare me!” But she giggled alright.
Early this week, I googled some information on the ‘Half Man, Half Tree’ story on the Discovery website. Have you heard about the it? It is shocking really and I was stunned when I first caught a glimpse of it on the TV. I was curious but I never dared to make some research on it. For two nights I had nightmares about the story. At first, I thought the event is occurring somewhere in South America but when I dreamt that it actually is occurring in a place somewhere near me, I was even more frightened. Later, I found out that the event is actually happening in Indonesia. “Phew, that was close. He won’t come after me if he runs amok.” Anyway, if any of you out there never heard of the story, it would be interesting to know something like that. There is only one man like that on Earth! I really pity him though.
My best friend bought me a key-chain once, which had some details about people who were born on the same date as I was. I still remember some of them. One says, ‘you value the talents of others.’ This is very much true indeed. Wow, I’m impressed. Another one says, ‘you dislike changes.’ Well, it depends whether they’re good or bad. The truth is, I am now slowly realizing that the second quote is actually true. Generally, things in my life are becoming better. So, of course I like the changes. One of the good things is, staying away from your family, and having the opportunity to study because you are not distracted. Now, that is one good change I hate.
I am actually running out of ideas of what I should write in my blog. So, I was tossing and turning on my bed trying to squeeze something out of my brain. Nadira saw me and she said, “Why don’t you write something you enjoy doing or like? Like drawing, or cats?” I don’t think talking about drawing would be interesting because I find that most of my friends here in KBU are very good in arts. Maybe they know more about drawing and stuff. I’m not very good in expressing myself even when I’m talking about my hobby. My friends know that I like to babble and most of the things I was trying to express to them, cannot be well understood. Oh, now I realize something. I am like Waris Dirie. I saw the interview of her about her life and I pitied her for not be able to put her ideas into words. I can see that she was struggling to get some words out of her mouth and arrange them so that others who are listening might be able to feel her feelings. But fear not Waris. I got what you’re trying to say. I am just like you!
I’ll tell a bit of something about my cats. I started to keep a cat when I was five. Before that, my family kept rabbits. Lots of them! They said the bunnies were let out into the garden and all the way to the front porch. They were hopping and scuttling across every patch of ground of our house. But sadly, one night, a couple of big dogs came barging into our yard and killed and ate all of the cute bunnies. None was spared.. Anyway, about my cats, there was once when all of our cats were black. The mommy and the daddy cat were both black, so all of their offsprings were black. The family consisted of seven members and it was quite scary to keep so many witches’ cats in your house at a time. My grandmother was not very fond of cats because she hated all the loosed furs and their poo. When she saw our black cats, instead of whining, she giggled and said, “Ei! They really scare me!” But she giggled alright.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
some more about me..
Rewards that might work for me? Something that can get me going? To study and to achieve something? I’m not sure how to answer that. Prize money would do, but not much though I long for it every day as if I don’t have enough. A new gadget, a holiday or a grand celebration? Thanks but no thanks. I would really like a kiss on the cheek or a congratulating hug if I succeed in something. But that is too common for me. Love is all around in my home. So, what is it that would inspire me to work hard? Actually, I would love to have a special but casual dinner, someplace else where I have never been to. I want to have dinner with everybody that wants nothing from me except love. I might sound seriously emotional and dreamy as usual but I mean every word. I have, of course reasons to want something. People always want something that is impossible for them to get and I am no different. There is actually a bit of love that is not near me.
Something funny but touching happened two days ago. My big sister was selecting songs from my hand-phone to be transferred to hers. She was grumbling that her memory card was not spacious enough to keep many songs in. I can see that she was being strict with herself to just select the best songs for her hand-phone. Suddenly, she laughed so hard that she surprised me. I found out that she discovered a recording in my phone, of my little sister calling me peculiar names and made a song out of them. She kept on playing the recording and laughed loudly each time she did. Then I discovered that among the few songs she carefully selected for her phone, she also chose the recording. I did not say anything but just laughed along with her. :-7
Do you remember the last time you fell down? A nasty fall that you would be sprawling on the ground? Well, I remember mine. It was last night. My little sister and I were enjoying ourselves, taking pictures of beautiful things around the house with creative perspectives. I tripped over her feet suddenly, and went down on the floor. Hard. Ouch!! I did not cut myself but I did hurt my right knee and my left arm. My sister laughed because she witnessed the whole great fall but I didn’t, so I didn’t laugh much. Of course, I only saw the things in front of me grew larger and nearer during the fall. Only a few minutes later did I laugh, when I discovered that was my first fall after many years.
I was a great mischief when I was in kindergarten, greater than all the boys. The teachers had a difficult time trying to cope with their laughter and to discipline me at the same time. When I was in my standard one and two, I was a loser. Everybody bullied me while I, always assume anyone at all as my best friend, and put the faked fact down in my little book of my family’s biodata. When I was in standard three till six, I was a joke for the boys and stupid small girls. When I was in my secondary school, I was a loner. I was bullied when I was in form one, met my best friend in form two, formed an informal small club to escape injustice in form three, met my second best friend in form four and became a lazy student who always slept in classes and found ways to cover my undone homework, in form five.
There was a small shallow swimming pool in the back of my kindergarten. Every Wednesday, if I am not mistaken, the five-year olds, were allowed to play in the pool. Most of the time, I changed into my swimsuit and enjoyed myself in the water. One day, my mother said this when I asked for her permission to play in the pool, “why not you, don’t go into the pool for just this time?” I asked why and so, she told me a logical reason which might be different from the real reason. When the time for swimming that day came, my friend wondered why was I not going into the pool. I told her, “you know what? I didn’t because the pool is full of everybody’s piss. My mother said so.” And so, the rumour or preferably, the hidden truth spread. The teachers were puzzled why the kids did not go into the pool anymore. They learnt why when one of my friends told her. Then, they found out that it was me who caused it and I think they would have grumbled, “this girl again..” My mother might have shrugged in a guilty way when the teachers asked her, “you told your daughter that?”
Something funny but touching happened two days ago. My big sister was selecting songs from my hand-phone to be transferred to hers. She was grumbling that her memory card was not spacious enough to keep many songs in. I can see that she was being strict with herself to just select the best songs for her hand-phone. Suddenly, she laughed so hard that she surprised me. I found out that she discovered a recording in my phone, of my little sister calling me peculiar names and made a song out of them. She kept on playing the recording and laughed loudly each time she did. Then I discovered that among the few songs she carefully selected for her phone, she also chose the recording. I did not say anything but just laughed along with her. :-7
Do you remember the last time you fell down? A nasty fall that you would be sprawling on the ground? Well, I remember mine. It was last night. My little sister and I were enjoying ourselves, taking pictures of beautiful things around the house with creative perspectives. I tripped over her feet suddenly, and went down on the floor. Hard. Ouch!! I did not cut myself but I did hurt my right knee and my left arm. My sister laughed because she witnessed the whole great fall but I didn’t, so I didn’t laugh much. Of course, I only saw the things in front of me grew larger and nearer during the fall. Only a few minutes later did I laugh, when I discovered that was my first fall after many years.
I was a great mischief when I was in kindergarten, greater than all the boys. The teachers had a difficult time trying to cope with their laughter and to discipline me at the same time. When I was in my standard one and two, I was a loser. Everybody bullied me while I, always assume anyone at all as my best friend, and put the faked fact down in my little book of my family’s biodata. When I was in standard three till six, I was a joke for the boys and stupid small girls. When I was in my secondary school, I was a loner. I was bullied when I was in form one, met my best friend in form two, formed an informal small club to escape injustice in form three, met my second best friend in form four and became a lazy student who always slept in classes and found ways to cover my undone homework, in form five.
There was a small shallow swimming pool in the back of my kindergarten. Every Wednesday, if I am not mistaken, the five-year olds, were allowed to play in the pool. Most of the time, I changed into my swimsuit and enjoyed myself in the water. One day, my mother said this when I asked for her permission to play in the pool, “why not you, don’t go into the pool for just this time?” I asked why and so, she told me a logical reason which might be different from the real reason. When the time for swimming that day came, my friend wondered why was I not going into the pool. I told her, “you know what? I didn’t because the pool is full of everybody’s piss. My mother said so.” And so, the rumour or preferably, the hidden truth spread. The teachers were puzzled why the kids did not go into the pool anymore. They learnt why when one of my friends told her. Then, they found out that it was me who caused it and I think they would have grumbled, “this girl again..” My mother might have shrugged in a guilty way when the teachers asked her, “you told your daughter that?”
Sunday, January 25, 2009
sweet cameron
I’m writing this on my comfy bed, in my cool room, all by myself, surrounded with love from my family who are here in this house, now. I am very calm, so I expect to write something better than the last two. Yesterday was tiring as I went haywire to make sure I don’t miss the bus as I had once experienced. The departure for home had always been rushing and exhausting. The buses were always noisy and the five-hour rides were always bumpy and jerky. I know a lot of other people had gone through things a hundred times worse than this but this is enough to drive me crazy once in a while.
This Chinese New Year holidays won’t be quite a holiday after all. We have got a lot of homework and assignments to work on and new subject topics to introduce to ourselves. I don’t really mind actually because I would always be consistent for this course. I have all the homework to keep me going and to stay away as far as possible from the possibility that I will become slothful. At least I hope so. I am aiming to get all my homework done and to study a bit about the third chapter on Chemistry, before the holidays end. I thought the reason why I can’t study at the student house is that I was distracted to the ‘chaos’ created by the girls in my house. They are always with high spirits and excited. Truthfully, I found this quite disturbing at first because I used to study alone and prefer it that way but then I realized that I was the one who chose to feel being pushed aside by not participating in all the excitement. Now, I’m trying to adapt myself to the living style here, studying in groups and going for outings whenever I need to.
I’ll talk a bit about how I usually spend my holidays throughout my life. Roughly, every five years, my family and I would go for vacations which were quite eventful for us. We never went to places overseas for the holidays but we went to places in other states. They were not as extraordinary but as we seldom go anywhere, going for average holidays had always been great fun. We had been to the peak of Cameron Highlands, called Brinchang. We followed my mother’s school trip, so there were about 40 of us. We were very fortunate to have been there because now, people are not allowed to hike to the top of Brinchang Hill. We were supposed to climb on foot all the way , 15 kilometres to the top. But when most of us were constantly stopping and panting, a small truck was hired to take a few people up the hill. I didn’t see the rest of my family boarding the back of the truck because I was way ahead of them. When the truck took over me, then I saw my family shouting to me to get on too. The truck would not stop so I have to catch it up and climbed into it. The hill was quite steep so I was panting very hard to catch up with the moving truck. The truck did stop but at that time, I was halfway in the truck already so when it halted, I was hurled all the way in, at the back of the truck.
Up there, it was very cold that we had to wear at least four pieces of clothing to get warmer. We didn’t even bath because the water was freezing cold and plus, there was not even one drop of sweat on our bodies, so we didn’t stink. The sun was hardly seen even during noon. Once, when we saw a glimpse of it, we screamed along with the other people that were there with us. We thought climbing up the hill was extremely exhausting, but actually, going down was worse. We had to stop ourselves from stumbling down the hill, because there was a strong gravitational force pulling us down. It got colder when we climbed the hill, but when we walked down towards the foot, it got warmer. So, along the way down, we had to strip off our clothes one by one till the last piece remained.
Other than the famous strawberry garden, we visited the Boh Tea Factory. We were enlightened by a tour guide who told us how the tea leaves were processed into tea in teabags. Then, we had vanilla, strawberry and orange flavoured tea in the tea cafe nearby. None of them is tasty for any of us, except for the vanilla tea. You might think that it would look like tea with milk which has the milky, cloudy colour. It actually looked like an ordinary tea but it tasted like vanilla all right. Another thing is that, I am never very fond of strawberries because I always think that that the round, swelling shape they have is because of the big fat worms hiding in them. My assumption was proved to be true when my sister took a big bite of a big juicy strawberry, and found a squirming black fat worm in the centre of the fruit. My second fear was that she might eat the worm too without noticing it if she gobbled down the strawberry whole! Therefore now, whenever I eat strawberries, I have my own procedures to make sure they are safe for me.
This Chinese New Year holidays won’t be quite a holiday after all. We have got a lot of homework and assignments to work on and new subject topics to introduce to ourselves. I don’t really mind actually because I would always be consistent for this course. I have all the homework to keep me going and to stay away as far as possible from the possibility that I will become slothful. At least I hope so. I am aiming to get all my homework done and to study a bit about the third chapter on Chemistry, before the holidays end. I thought the reason why I can’t study at the student house is that I was distracted to the ‘chaos’ created by the girls in my house. They are always with high spirits and excited. Truthfully, I found this quite disturbing at first because I used to study alone and prefer it that way but then I realized that I was the one who chose to feel being pushed aside by not participating in all the excitement. Now, I’m trying to adapt myself to the living style here, studying in groups and going for outings whenever I need to.
I’ll talk a bit about how I usually spend my holidays throughout my life. Roughly, every five years, my family and I would go for vacations which were quite eventful for us. We never went to places overseas for the holidays but we went to places in other states. They were not as extraordinary but as we seldom go anywhere, going for average holidays had always been great fun. We had been to the peak of Cameron Highlands, called Brinchang. We followed my mother’s school trip, so there were about 40 of us. We were very fortunate to have been there because now, people are not allowed to hike to the top of Brinchang Hill. We were supposed to climb on foot all the way , 15 kilometres to the top. But when most of us were constantly stopping and panting, a small truck was hired to take a few people up the hill. I didn’t see the rest of my family boarding the back of the truck because I was way ahead of them. When the truck took over me, then I saw my family shouting to me to get on too. The truck would not stop so I have to catch it up and climbed into it. The hill was quite steep so I was panting very hard to catch up with the moving truck. The truck did stop but at that time, I was halfway in the truck already so when it halted, I was hurled all the way in, at the back of the truck.
Up there, it was very cold that we had to wear at least four pieces of clothing to get warmer. We didn’t even bath because the water was freezing cold and plus, there was not even one drop of sweat on our bodies, so we didn’t stink. The sun was hardly seen even during noon. Once, when we saw a glimpse of it, we screamed along with the other people that were there with us. We thought climbing up the hill was extremely exhausting, but actually, going down was worse. We had to stop ourselves from stumbling down the hill, because there was a strong gravitational force pulling us down. It got colder when we climbed the hill, but when we walked down towards the foot, it got warmer. So, along the way down, we had to strip off our clothes one by one till the last piece remained.
Other than the famous strawberry garden, we visited the Boh Tea Factory. We were enlightened by a tour guide who told us how the tea leaves were processed into tea in teabags. Then, we had vanilla, strawberry and orange flavoured tea in the tea cafe nearby. None of them is tasty for any of us, except for the vanilla tea. You might think that it would look like tea with milk which has the milky, cloudy colour. It actually looked like an ordinary tea but it tasted like vanilla all right. Another thing is that, I am never very fond of strawberries because I always think that that the round, swelling shape they have is because of the big fat worms hiding in them. My assumption was proved to be true when my sister took a big bite of a big juicy strawberry, and found a squirming black fat worm in the centre of the fruit. My second fear was that she might eat the worm too without noticing it if she gobbled down the strawberry whole! Therefore now, whenever I eat strawberries, I have my own procedures to make sure they are safe for me.
Friday, January 16, 2009
more about me
Last Wednesday night, my friends and I went to a poetry performance in Pasar Seni. For me, it was great! It was really unexpected as I have no idea of how boring it would be. I went to the show after a last-minute decision when I realized that I just needed to watch it, or at least experience a bit of it. When all of us, students were first informed about the poetry, I was almost not at all interested in the idea. Although that day, in the examination room, I sat just a millimetre away from the whiteboard, I did not bother to crane my neck a bit to look at the notice written on the board. Even so, I just did, but only to make sure whether the ‘Polar Bear’ I just heard, was spelt like one. I convinced Tati to go too, in a not-very-convincing way so that I have some company. To summarise every little detail up, I’ll just mention some here. As I had never been to a real poetry show before, I was surprised to see how they frightened me. It was my first judgement of the whole show because the first recitation was..rather surprising that I wanted to flee from the room. But then, I was enjoying myself more when I saw the performances by Steven, a.k.a. Polar Bear and Rafique Rashid. They were hilarious and I had a hard time controlling my laughter.
When I came back after the show, I was still excited about poetry but when came the next day, I just don’t understand myself when I can’t bear to listen to any poetry at all. Tati had just finished some poetry she did just for fun. She handed me the paper which had figurative words on it. I did not read them. Instead, I just stared and when I can’t stare anymore, I hid the paper underneath a book. For the whole day, I can’t figure out why I acted so. Back when I was in my secondary school, I used to write poetries with my best friend. I think that the experience would be really helpful for my studies this year, but on the contrary, I am acting the exact opposite way towards the thing that I once loved. I really respected those who have passion to what they are doing, but sometimes, I just can’t get interested in what they have achieved successfully. Take poetry for instance.
When I ponder upon things sometimes, I was astonished how my life had change ever since I lived away from whom I used to spend every single moment with. I know everyone else has or had experience it, but like always, some things only happen to a particular individual. Usually, my sisters and I just could not leave home for a long period of time because we had the feeling that things would go wrong if not terribly, at home, where all our loved ones remain. None of us sisters ever stayed in a school hostel before, because none of us wanted it and my mother also never wished for anything like that to happen. If possible, my mother would want each one of her daughters to home-school and get herself a job which does not require her to stay away from us.
My state is almost like that of the guy in one of Polar Bear’s poetry which was about the guy who pretended to be in pursuit of his dreams and his mother did actually believe him. Having the same feeling of guilt as he did, I was determined to make my hopes and dreams true, to make those of my mother’s come true too. I was hardworking when I was in school and my SPM results was quite good, but both my parents and I know that I could do better. I want to prove it this year but first, I have to get rid of the laziness I have in me in order to keep myself started and keep going.
Here, I tried to study whenever I can, to be at least as good as my friends are. Last semester, I was extremely disappointed of my results. Things became worse during the meeting between parents and lecturers regarding the results. What was even worse is that the two persons that came with me on that day, was not my real parents. It was not that I was ashamed to them that hurt me so much, it was my patience that almost killed me. I was shuddering trying to face the facts that I was among the worst, and trying to hold back my tears in presence of the strangers before me. Now, I wonder if I can survive on my own in the future. I can only try with all the little I might and pray to God for the greatest miracle so that things would not be so bad after all.
When I came back after the show, I was still excited about poetry but when came the next day, I just don’t understand myself when I can’t bear to listen to any poetry at all. Tati had just finished some poetry she did just for fun. She handed me the paper which had figurative words on it. I did not read them. Instead, I just stared and when I can’t stare anymore, I hid the paper underneath a book. For the whole day, I can’t figure out why I acted so. Back when I was in my secondary school, I used to write poetries with my best friend. I think that the experience would be really helpful for my studies this year, but on the contrary, I am acting the exact opposite way towards the thing that I once loved. I really respected those who have passion to what they are doing, but sometimes, I just can’t get interested in what they have achieved successfully. Take poetry for instance.
When I ponder upon things sometimes, I was astonished how my life had change ever since I lived away from whom I used to spend every single moment with. I know everyone else has or had experience it, but like always, some things only happen to a particular individual. Usually, my sisters and I just could not leave home for a long period of time because we had the feeling that things would go wrong if not terribly, at home, where all our loved ones remain. None of us sisters ever stayed in a school hostel before, because none of us wanted it and my mother also never wished for anything like that to happen. If possible, my mother would want each one of her daughters to home-school and get herself a job which does not require her to stay away from us.
My state is almost like that of the guy in one of Polar Bear’s poetry which was about the guy who pretended to be in pursuit of his dreams and his mother did actually believe him. Having the same feeling of guilt as he did, I was determined to make my hopes and dreams true, to make those of my mother’s come true too. I was hardworking when I was in school and my SPM results was quite good, but both my parents and I know that I could do better. I want to prove it this year but first, I have to get rid of the laziness I have in me in order to keep myself started and keep going.
Here, I tried to study whenever I can, to be at least as good as my friends are. Last semester, I was extremely disappointed of my results. Things became worse during the meeting between parents and lecturers regarding the results. What was even worse is that the two persons that came with me on that day, was not my real parents. It was not that I was ashamed to them that hurt me so much, it was my patience that almost killed me. I was shuddering trying to face the facts that I was among the worst, and trying to hold back my tears in presence of the strangers before me. Now, I wonder if I can survive on my own in the future. I can only try with all the little I might and pray to God for the greatest miracle so that things would not be so bad after all.
Friday, January 9, 2009
my first blog
Usually, I do my reading and studying in my room, sitting up in bed, instead of sitting properly at the desk. I find this way of studying more comfortable and relaxing, compared to studying in a proper manner, which I found very tense. Either it is in my home back in Alor Star or the student house which I am staying now, I still study in my bed. The bed which I’m sitting now is not really comfortable, unlike the one I have in my home which is very soft and comfy. It is not a luxurious or an expensive type of bed or mattress which makes it very appealing to me, but it is the bedspread, the comforter and the pillows and bolsters on the bed in an air-conditioned room which do it. What’s more, it is located in the best place on Earth, where you can find all the love you need-HOME.. I have lots of made-up philosophies which work for me and one of them is: The more comfy the bed is, the better my exam results will be. It means, the more I love the comfort in studying, the more I study. To me, home and family is love, and with it, anything is possible. After all, it is love that makes the world go round.
At home, mornings never do for me to study or read anything, except the schedule about what’s on TV, especially the mornings which almost turn to afternoons, which is a completely hopeless time for me to even read a sentence in the newspaper as it can never stay in my mind even for a while. I sometimes study during a lazy and calm evening because that is when I get a bit inspired by the comfort of living in my home. The best time when I would get seriously inspired is at night, between 9 p.m. and 12 a.m., when there is no house chores and no task of running for groceries to bother me. When my family or my cats are around me, I would get even more inspired to study hard or to even finish my homework. Here, the only time which urges me to even open my books is when I have no choice but to finish my assignments and when I have tests and exams coming up.
Early this week, I was quite shocked of the course outlines for all subjects I’m required to learn and study. Even I was not really inspired to study hard, I was actually inspired to make sure that this year, I will be able to follow everything the lecturers taught me and be able to score my quizzes, tests, assignments and exams. I just realized that in order to do just that, I have to do the latter.
Last Friday, I went to One Utama to watch the movie Australia for my English subject. I was late for the movie so I didn’t catch the earlier part of it which my friends told me was very funny. I enjoyed the rest of it and I found it quite good. If I have enough allowance left this month, I would probably buy the DVD. When I stayed at home the last semester break, I watched a movie called “Joan’s Ark”. For a long time, I have not any new movies which I really love but that night, I discovered another one. I think I would put the movie Australia in my list of favourite movies too.
I used to have a passion of collecting books of many kinds of genres but one day, when I went to a bookshop near my hometown, I was surprised to find that I was indifferent to the world of knowledge displayed before me. Probably, because I have thousands of them at home and at the student house, and I have had enough. I giggled to myself when I went to the MPH bookstore recently, because I found that the fact that I have lost my interest in books is not true after all. Thank God, I forgot my purse at the student house when I was loitering in the bookstore otherwise, I would have spent all my money to the last dime on books which I have no guarantee of reading them. I love to read, and I would read just about anything if I am not in a bad mood. I just have the philosophy (another one), that anything and everything gives you knowledge and theoretical skills. I wish to have an ocean-wide range of knowledge and skills and that is why I still buy a lot of books although I don’t have the time to actually read each one page to page.
At home, mornings never do for me to study or read anything, except the schedule about what’s on TV, especially the mornings which almost turn to afternoons, which is a completely hopeless time for me to even read a sentence in the newspaper as it can never stay in my mind even for a while. I sometimes study during a lazy and calm evening because that is when I get a bit inspired by the comfort of living in my home. The best time when I would get seriously inspired is at night, between 9 p.m. and 12 a.m., when there is no house chores and no task of running for groceries to bother me. When my family or my cats are around me, I would get even more inspired to study hard or to even finish my homework. Here, the only time which urges me to even open my books is when I have no choice but to finish my assignments and when I have tests and exams coming up.
Early this week, I was quite shocked of the course outlines for all subjects I’m required to learn and study. Even I was not really inspired to study hard, I was actually inspired to make sure that this year, I will be able to follow everything the lecturers taught me and be able to score my quizzes, tests, assignments and exams. I just realized that in order to do just that, I have to do the latter.
Last Friday, I went to One Utama to watch the movie Australia for my English subject. I was late for the movie so I didn’t catch the earlier part of it which my friends told me was very funny. I enjoyed the rest of it and I found it quite good. If I have enough allowance left this month, I would probably buy the DVD. When I stayed at home the last semester break, I watched a movie called “Joan’s Ark”. For a long time, I have not any new movies which I really love but that night, I discovered another one. I think I would put the movie Australia in my list of favourite movies too.
I used to have a passion of collecting books of many kinds of genres but one day, when I went to a bookshop near my hometown, I was surprised to find that I was indifferent to the world of knowledge displayed before me. Probably, because I have thousands of them at home and at the student house, and I have had enough. I giggled to myself when I went to the MPH bookstore recently, because I found that the fact that I have lost my interest in books is not true after all. Thank God, I forgot my purse at the student house when I was loitering in the bookstore otherwise, I would have spent all my money to the last dime on books which I have no guarantee of reading them. I love to read, and I would read just about anything if I am not in a bad mood. I just have the philosophy (another one), that anything and everything gives you knowledge and theoretical skills. I wish to have an ocean-wide range of knowledge and skills and that is why I still buy a lot of books although I don’t have the time to actually read each one page to page.
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